adoptive parenting

Reinforcement

For our son's first birthday, I made him a little book titled "Who Loves [You]?" It's full of pictures of him with the people who make up our family--grandparents, godfather, aunts and uncles, and his first families. I wanted a way to make their faces familiar to him, even though we don't see many of them very often.

We were reading it last night before bed, flipping through the pages and having him identify different people. When we got to his first mom's page he got so excited. "K___! K___! K___!" he sang, pointing at her picture.

Something clicked for him during K's visit last month. He's still too young (at two) to truly understand family relationships--that Nana is Mommy's mommy and that sort of thing. But he gets that K is special because she is family. He welcomed her into his select inner circle over that weekend (perks include extra hugs, reading books in your lap, sharing favorite toys, and hearing your name repeated over and over).

I was glad to see it and to see her respond to him and know that it had happened on his timing. It made me think that maybe we're on the right track.

(Originally posted here.)

My Girly

Madison was happy that it’s going to be cool enough for her favorite outfit — a flippy purple skirt and a matching striped top with long sleeves. She’s about to outgrow it but loves it dearly. She practically skipped into preschool this morning, carrying a card she made for one of her teachers who just lost her dad.

Making Room in Our Hearts: Keeping Family Ties through Open Adoption

Author:

Micky Duxbury

Publisher:

Routledge

ISBN:

0-415-95502-5

Pages:

175

Price:

$19.95

Rating:

9

Review:

Micky Duxbury's Making Room in Our Hearts is an excellent resource for anyone involved in open adoption. Duxbury integrates first-person stories with information on the basic philosophy and history of openness. The stories are authentic and honest, and do not shy away from acknowledging challenges and mistakes. Especially valuable are those from decades-old adoptions, offering a glimpse into how open adoption relationships evolve over time. I appreciated the story groupings which provided multiple perspectives on a single adoption--from birth parents, adoptees, adoptive parents, siblings and extended family members. Prompts encourage readers to mine these shared experiences for practical application in their own situations. Optimistic without falling into Pollyanna-ness, the book touches on public and private adoption, opening closed adoptions, openness in international adoptions, how to make openness work, and needed changes in the current adoption system. A comprehensive list of open adoption resources (publications, agencies, organizations, etc.) is also included.

Although a good resource for families at any stage, I think this book will be especially valuable for pre-adoptive parents and expectant parents considering placement. It not only provides a realistic look at openness, but also makes a strong case for the importance of adequate preparation and ongoing post-adoption support for participants in open adoptions. The discussion of best practices in open adoption will help potential clients discern which agencies/professionals are committed to child-centered open adoption as a standard and which pay it mere lip service.

My perspective is that of an adoptive parent, so I hope other triad members and adoption professionals will add their thoughts on this book.

Our Role in All This

(Originally posted at Production, Not Reproduction.  Puppy is my son, K and R are his first parents, T is my husband.)