imagine being unexpectedly pregnant. imagine working up the courage to call an adoption agency. imagine the overwhelming feelings of the first appointment at said agency. imagine discovering how many families in the pool from which to "choose" to parent your unborn Kiddo. and then, imagine trying to discern how much openness you desire.

how can a person (expectant mom, prospective adoptive parents) make a sound, lifelong commitment about openness without a personal frame of reference?

i knew what was "normal" by the agency's standards. but were those "guidelines" appropriate for me? i had no idea. i'd never had a baby, placed a baby. were pictures every three months for the first year, once a year around the birthday after that first year enough? was a potential visit annually at the agency function adequate? this was fairly "normal".

do you make a lifelong commitment after two lunch dates and paperwork?

i couldn't choose an appropriate haircut while pregnant.

and yet i did make choices, on the basis of what i surmised would be best for the impending, but still abstract in some senses, Kiddo. i made decisions for someone i'd never met, setting precedents without prior experience.

cross posted at my blog