We are in a semi-open adoption relationship with our son's first mother. The first year we sent the agreed upon pictures and letters through the agency and on his first birthday we got a letter and some pictures back from her. The next time we sent a letter, pictures and a gift through the agency, it was all returned to us. The agency said to stop sending them stuff but to keep writing. She had moved without updating her address. I have asked the agency to try to find her new address and contact her but they won't.

So, I just happened to type her name in to a search on Facebook and she popped right up! I am really tempted to create another more anonymous page for us and contact her by sending our email address through Facebook. I just want to let her know that we still would like contact with her and that we are still here hoping to hear from her when she is ready. I don't want to inflict unnecessary pain on her. She can ignore the request or write back if she wants. My husband thinks that this is pushy and inappropriate. I feel like it might open the door for her a little. Is it wrong to do this without the agency involved?

The agency I adopted from recently sent a letter asking for money to support their operations due to circumstance in the difficulties with 2 of the 7 countries they are affliliated with. Is this now a common practice for agencies to request monetary contribution to maintain their services? It feels so inappropriate - am I off?

how do I know if my birthsons parents want me to contact them, or should I wait for them to do so?

When adopting our daughter, her birthmother had been out of her life for 3 1/2 year. It was obvious to all involved that she belonged with us. Our contract states the usual, quarterly visits, pictures, no friends, visits at our home etc. Yet verbally we talked about how it could be whatever we make the contact to be and there was no reason why she couldn't visit more often that the contract outlined. We explained that the contract was to fall back on, if needed. TWO MONTHS into the new arrangement, our daughters first mother is constantly asking for extra's; take her to her workplace to show all her friends, come early, stay late, hang out at the mall. Our daughter is only 4 years old. Many of the things her first mother is requesting are the exact things we want to protect her from! I am having difficulty staying positive and declining her requests with grace. Any suggestions?