Open Adoption Support » transcultural

How do families handle differences in two adoptions?

Anonymous — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 12:08:22 +0000

We are in the process of adopting our second child. With our first child I would say the adoption started as semi-open. We would send letters and pictures four times a year. This continued until recently – our daughter is now almost three. Recently the birthmother asked for no more contact. Now we are in the process of adopting our second child. The family has asked for a very open adoption. They would like to see the child. They also have 3 other children and want the fourth child to know their siblings. We have not worked any of the details out and are unsure how much contact they are looking for. I know that our daughter will have many questions, she is always aware of what is going on. How do you handle the differences in openness with each child.

The second question I have is about race. We are a caucasian family. Our second child will be asian. I am just curious how adopting a child of a different race has affected the child and the family?

How do you answer stranger's questions?

Anonymous — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 22:39:22 +0000

I posed this question to the biracial group, but no one has responded. Our son is half Vietnamese and half Italian. My husband is a blue-eyed blonde and I’m a green-eyed brunette- needless to say, our son doesn’t look anything like us. In reading about adopting a child of another ethnic background, I read about people staring and asking questions. But I guess I am a little surprised at how frequently it happens. I’m even more surprised because we live in southern CA, one of the most ethnically diverse parts of the country. I grew up here and don’t even think twice about how anyone looks…

When people “on the street” ask where our son gets his coloring, or his dark eyes and hair, or however they ask the question, I have been responding with confidence “he’s adopted”. Most people act uncomfortable. A few have politely asked more questions and we are happy to share our adoption story.

Is there a better way to answer or does this seem o.k.? I’ve read that talking about his adoption story around our son (in positive terms) will help him as he gets older (he’s 14 months old now).

[I brought this question up with some friends who haven't adopted. One answered, 'of course he likes like you, he looks happy.' That was a wonderful comment to receive ]

What questions would you ask an expectant mom?

Off and Running Documentary

Dawn — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 17:30:36 +0000

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hga5PvXTMAs

Story:

Documentary follows an African-American girl’s search for her birth mother within an adoptive family comprising a melting pot of race, culture and sexuality. Avery Klein-Cloud is a happy New York teenager who lives with her family and hopes to get a track scholarship to college. But as the documentary “Off and Running” reveals, Avery’s family is not your average American household.

“I’m adopted by two white mothers, one who was born in Israel and she’s Jewish and they other was born in Illinois. I have an older brother who’s three months older than me, who’s a mix of black and Puerto Rican, and he’s currently at Princeton and I have a younger brother that’s Korean, from Queens,” said Klein-Cloud.
It’s within this melting pot of culture, race and sexuality that Avery feels a strong desire to find her birth mother and her curiosity about her biological African-American roots grows. This creates an emotionally charged situation at home and Avery becomes more distant from her family.

“I think it was really hard on myself and my parents and I think it was just partially because of the point I was in in my life, it made it more difficult for everybody to deal with. But they were always supportive,” she said. Klein-Cloud’s displacement and questioning is captured by director Nicole Opper. Opper, who was Klein-Cloud’s film teacher at school. Opper said she became drawn to Avery’s story because her household is reflective of the world children are growing up in today; one that is mixed and where race and gender lines blur. Klein-Cloud says she hopes that the film helps parents to understand that their children will experience challenges and even if they push their parents away at times, they still love them. She also thinks it holds a strong message for children.

“I definitely feel like this film has let me open up and talk. I was able to finally talk and that helps, it gets it all out of your mind. And I think, you know, it should for all high school students, just show, you’re not alone, it happens to the best of us and you can get through it,” she said.

“Off and Running” premieres at the Tribeca Film Festival on Sunday (April 26) and it will also be broadcast in the U.S. on the PBS program “P.O.V.” in 2010.

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