For example FDad has never done anything to facilitate our or DS’s relationship with his parents. I emailed his parents when DS was a week old to invite them to consider themselves true grandparents, as their son hadn’t really explained our attitudes on open adoption to them.

We have formed a good relationship with them, and during our discussions with them have described our feelings towards each other as that of in laws, and they are simply DS’s grandparents.

FDad has never visited with his parents, planning to leave or arrive a day or two outside of their visits, and when we visited them we had to make a side trip for FDad as he wouldn’t go to their home.

We are now trying to arrange Spring get togethers, and once again he is talking about visiting within a week of his parents, but no mention of actually coming with them.

I understand wanting some visits alone, but all of them? It’s been 3 years!  DS has seen his FDad and his grandparents in the same room once, for breakfast. They were leaving and FDad was arriving the same day.

He is questioning family relationships to a certain extent now (as much a just turned 3 year old can), and I  want him to see healthy, happy families, and that all of us are “one” family, his family. I find that hard to do with all these separated visits.

On a more selfish note, we already have to separate FMom and FDad’s visits, and that’s okay because they usually aren’t close together due to varying schedules, but having to account for 4 different busy families schedules (ours, hers, his, and his parents) several times a year is getting difficult and stressful.

Is it okay to insist he combine at least one visit with his folks this year?

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