Open Adoption Support » reunion

A difficult childhood, do I tell my birth mom now that we’re in reunion?

Anonymous — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 17:59:19 +0000

I have recently reunited with my birthmother after 42 years. The adoption was closed, but she had been searching for me for practically the whole time. We are getting along great, really connecting, and starting to fill in the gaps in each others past. I’m still learning the details of my adoption, so I don’t know if it was something she was railroaded into or if it was done voluntarily. I know she would have wanted the best for me regardless.

My question is what to tell her about my childhood. My first 17 years before college were not happy ones, and I never really got along with my adoptive patents, we just weren’t a good fit. I don’t want to be misleading about what my life was like, but at the same time the last thing I want to do is hurt my birthmom or make her fell guilty. If any birthmoms out there could give me advice on this I would be more than grateful. Thank you in advance.

Birth mom withholding info about my birth dad. Now what?

Anonymous — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 00:13:05 +0000

How would you handled the relationship with your birth mother withholding information about your birth father who may or may not know you exist? Related posts: Should adoptive parents be... Related posts:

My sister is searching for her birth parents — will I lose her?

Anonymous — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 00:36:24 +0000

My sister was adopted before I was born – so I have always known her as my sister. My parents were always honest about the fact she was adopted. We grew up happy together and have a lot of wonderful memories. When I was 33 I moved countries and she never forgave me for leaving. We still talk occasionally – but she never contacts me. She is now 38 and our mom told me she is searching for her birth mom. I didn’t think I would feel upset as I have always wanted to support her if she did that. She hasn’t told me about the fact she is looking. I am so scared that when she finds her birth mom she won’t want me as a sister anymore. I don’t want to say anything to her as I don’t want to hurt her and I just want to support her because I love her so much. I just feel upset and I didn’t think I would. Has anyone else felt like this?

Off and Running Documentary

Dawn — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 17:30:36 +0000

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hga5PvXTMAs

Story:

Documentary follows an African-American girl’s search for her birth mother within an adoptive family comprising a melting pot of race, culture and sexuality. Avery Klein-Cloud is a happy New York teenager who lives with her family and hopes to get a track scholarship to college. But as the documentary “Off and Running” reveals, Avery’s family is not your average American household.

“I’m adopted by two white mothers, one who was born in Israel and she’s Jewish and they other was born in Illinois. I have an older brother who’s three months older than me, who’s a mix of black and Puerto Rican, and he’s currently at Princeton and I have a younger brother that’s Korean, from Queens,” said Klein-Cloud.
It’s within this melting pot of culture, race and sexuality that Avery feels a strong desire to find her birth mother and her curiosity about her biological African-American roots grows. This creates an emotionally charged situation at home and Avery becomes more distant from her family.

“I think it was really hard on myself and my parents and I think it was just partially because of the point I was in in my life, it made it more difficult for everybody to deal with. But they were always supportive,” she said. Klein-Cloud’s displacement and questioning is captured by director Nicole Opper. Opper, who was Klein-Cloud’s film teacher at school. Opper said she became drawn to Avery’s story because her household is reflective of the world children are growing up in today; one that is mixed and where race and gender lines blur. Klein-Cloud says she hopes that the film helps parents to understand that their children will experience challenges and even if they push their parents away at times, they still love them. She also thinks it holds a strong message for children.

“I definitely feel like this film has let me open up and talk. I was able to finally talk and that helps, it gets it all out of your mind. And I think, you know, it should for all high school students, just show, you’re not alone, it happens to the best of us and you can get through it,” she said.

“Off and Running” premieres at the Tribeca Film Festival on Sunday (April 26) and it will also be broadcast in the U.S. on the PBS program “P.O.V.” in 2010.

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How to approach our son’s first mother on beginning an open adoption?

Anonymous — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:36:17 +0000

Hello,
We are searching for advice on how to begin an open adoption with our son’s first mom. What should the first letter say? Also if she does want an open adoption what the next steps should be? We are not sure if our son’s first mom was given the opportunity to choose if she would like an open adoption since it was an international adoption. We feel that for her and the son we both share we should see if she would like to have contact with us. We do know that she brought clothing to the hospital to dress him in and expressed her desire that she wanted it to go with him and for him to know that it came from her. We feel that this might be a sign that she does desire some kind of contact with us about the son we both share.

My husband is adopted and just recently had a reunion with his first father’s family. My husband nor his first father’s family was ever given the chance or option to have an open adoption which is something that deeply saddens us as well as them. We feel that we understand what our son is going to feel as he becomes older and maybe what his first mother might feel if she desires contact and was never given the opportunity.

We would appreciate any advice or wisdom anyone has to offer. If there are any books or sites on the internet that would help guide us that anyone knows of that also would be wonderful.

Can birth mother and adoptive mother be friends?

Will I get my real family in trouble now that I've found them?

Anonymous — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 18:19:40 +0000

I am 13 years old and I recently found my real family online I love them so much and they love me. It is a closed adoption and my adpted parents forbid me but I want to know my sister and brothers and family. Will i get them in trouble if I keep talking to them?

What will my first mom expect from me post-reunion?

Anonymous — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:29:37 +0000

I wrote in a while ago about how to do a search,,well a search i did and found my birthfamily. Its been a whirlwind of emotions. spoke with biofather,,waiting on biomother. longgg story, but now that i found them…this is for the firsmoms out there..what do you think they will expect from me?

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