Open Adoption Support » post-adoption contact

What kind of photos do first families want?

Anonymous — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 13:37:22 +0000

We adopted our 18-month-old son in an open, domestic adoption. Though I live in fear of losing touch, we have stayed in contact so far. Mostly with us sending updates and photos – initially through the mail and now primarily through email.

I’ve generally sent photos of our son that are of him alone and happy. Basically, I pick out the best, cutest pics of the little dude. The ones that I needed to help me when I went back to work and missed him terribly. And I guess there was a part of me that thought his first family wants to see him, not us.

I’ve been wondering recently about this approach. Are there any natural parents or grandparents who can tell me about how they think about photos? Do you want to see how happy your (grand)child is *with* his new family? Or are the adoptive parents/family a distraction in photos?

Also, would you want to see pictures of him/her grumpy, grouchy, unhappy, or outright crying? I guess I’m wondering whether first families would like a fuller perspective on their child’s life. (You could extend this question to updates – how much should I talk about our son’s tough times, bad behaviors, struggles, or health problems?)

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Should we let our addicted daughter visit our grandson?

Anonymous — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 16:40:25 +0000

We adopted our grandson because our cps took parental custody from our daughter. She had lost other children to adoption with strangers to us. Couldn’t bare to have this happen again. But now we are involved with his adult brothers & Sisters and other members of our family. His father is deceased. His b-mom wants him and/or wants to see him. She is an addict. He is very sensitive and she is very inappropriate. Family basically thinks we should allow visits. Husband on the fence (for over thirty years). So, if you have suggestions about this I would appreciate hearing them. I feel very alone here. Thanks.

Should I send this to my daughter's birth mom?

Anonymous — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 23:37:43 +0000

I’m an adoptive mother to a 3.5 yr old daughter. Her birthmom is raising her three older brothers. And, I have a 7 yr old w/ another birthmom. The last few Christmas’s I’ve sent a big box of my son’s hand-me downs and a gift card to my daughter’s Birthmom. In the last year, I’ve lost touch w/ her. I did briefly speak with her when she had another child whom she gave up for adoption. I would really love to send her the big box of hand-me downs this year, because I know she could use them. But, I’ve lost touch, and have no idea how she is doing. I’m sure her life is at best chaotic, and at worse, something else, because she has very difficult circumstances. But, since we aren’t really in touch, I think it’s kinda strange, cheesy to send a box of old clothes. And, while I look forward to hearing from her, I do dread it in a way.