How do I handle people's negativity about our daughter's open adoption?

Anonymous — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 13:06:16 +0000

I don’t know if anyone else has a similar situation…but, until we adopted our little girl 4 years ago…no one in my family or my husband’s family had ever adopted a baby. So it was new, unfamiliar territory for everyone. And when they found out we were entering into an OPEN adoption, everyone pretty much freaked out and fought it. Especially my parents. My husband’s parents have since “come around” and have not really said too much regarding our daughters birthfamilies. However…my parents (esp. my mother) continues to say negative things about them, calls them “THOSE people”, and really tries to persuade us to cut all ties with them….or hopes one day that they will move on with their lives and never want to see her again. I have been patient, I have tried being firm, I have tried “laying down the law” about how the promise my husband and I made with the birthparents is a lifetime commitment that we intend to keep. My mother especially insists that doing so will be detrimental to our daughter in the long run…(she is basing this opinion on the fact that we’ve had many challenges with the birthfather and his parents.) I know she doesn’t mean to do harm or really mean to hurt me, and I know that she is coming from the place of being a mom and not wanting her children to get hurt. But I really want her to get passed the “old school” view of adoption and see that what we are doing and why we are doing it is really a good thing and really is healthy and positive for our daughter. Nothing I have said has sunk in or persuaded her in any way. Does anyone have any suggestions? Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

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How do you keep negative comments about adoption from bothering you?

Anonymous — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 21:57:13 +0000

Yesterday a coworker of mine brought up adoption. She made a couple of statements about families she knows where the adoptive children have had behavioral problems and connected that to the fact they were adopted. I corrected the statement and made her aware that it had nothing to do with adoption. She then continued to state that when you adopt you don’t know what problems (mental or drug wise was stated) the birthfamilies pass on to their biological children. I also corrected her on that statement. I also think she has a mind set and could have cared less about my statements. My problem is that I can’t let it go in my mind. It bothers me that people who know me would make such rude and general statements. How do you get past such statements from people who know you have adopted?

Open Adoption Support » negativity

How do I handle people's negativity about our daughter's open adoption?

How do you keep negative comments about adoption from bothering you?