Open Adoption Support » holidays

Do you ask the school to have your child make two things for mother’s day?

Anonymous — Fri, 06 May 2011 11:07:19 +0000

I know its a bit late for Mothers’ Day this year (this question was prompted by DS making stuff at preschool), but I wondered whether anyone has arranged with their kid’s school to make 2 things for mothers’ day (or fathers’ day)? I feel like it’s probably a bit unfair on the school, but seems a shame that his bmom misses out on that
stuff.

How important is it to acknowledge Mother's Day, Birthmother's Day or other holidays?

Anonymous — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 00:23:46 +0000

How important is acknowledging Mother’s Day (or “Birthmother’s Day”) or really any traditional holiday?

I ask because I come from a family that has never made a big deal about most holidays. Birthdays celebrations and gifts are for children only. And even for children it tends to be small gatherings and a very small number of inexpensive gifts. On Mother’s Day I may remember at the last minute to call my mother. But then again, I may not. Even Christmas is pretty low-key. And gifts are only for the children in the family.

I do not personally receive a Mother’s Day card from anyone and do we do not do anything to celebrate it. Nor do I expect or want it.

My extended family is very close and we all get along very well with one another. We just have never bought into the commercial side of expressing our love and relationship. It dates back to a time when my parents were struggling financially and they just didn’t have the money for such things. Even once my father’s career took off, they still didn’t expand on the gift-giving and occasions. It’s more important to spend time together on a daily basis (or as often as possible for those who live away) than spend money on gifts a few times a year.

But I’ve been reading on various forums about all the things adoptive parents are doing to acknowledge their children’s birth mother and I wonder if we should be doing something.

How important are these things?

I’ve never discussed it specifically with my children’s birth mother, but in passing conversation we have talked about the things we do with our families at various times and milestones (she about her family and I about mine). So she does know we don’t make a deal out of the majority of holidays & celebrations that other honor. And she has never said that she wanted it, but now I’m wondering if we should do something. Although I frankly haven’t a clue what we could do that wouldn’t seem odd or forced. Especially as we’ve never done anything in the past.

Am I worrying about this needlessly? Or should we do something?

How do I handle stealing?

Anonymous — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 00:05:13 +0000

where do i begin,, late on christmas my sons bmom slept over..all went well. The next day we went shopping with myself , her and all my kids. In macys, while i was purchasing a gift..she apparently stole a necklace that said Mother and later gave it to me! I didnt know she stole it until my 15year old told me when we got home,,,she said mom i have to tell you…K stole that necklace. I told her not to but she did..and the christmas presents she got kris ,,,she stole too! WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I SAY!!! Do i confront her,, let it go,,,im hurt,,im mad,, ive TRUSTED her in my home with MY children!!!

Can I give gifts just to my son or do I need to include his parents other kids?

Anonymous — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 17:58:56 +0000

Is giving gifts to just my son, who was adopted by parents who also have a natural born child, enough?

Or should I give gifts to that child as well, even though they say I don’t have too. Technically they say I don’t have to give gifts to my son too, but do they really mean that?
I mean, I WANT to give gifts to my son, and open adoption allows me to do so.

Where do you stop though, would they like me more if I gave gifts not only to my son, but to their natural born child too?

I’m asking because the first father DOES give gifts to the natural born child as well as our son whom we decided mutally to place in open adoption. The first father is much more wealthy than I am, and he gives gifts that are usually about twice or three times the value that I am able to give.

I DO but alot of thought into what to give my son, but I am quite limited with resources to actually get the really nice things. I assume he has more than he could ever want anyways and get him what I think are simply fun toys.

Do adoptive parents in open adoption judge first parents on the gifts that they get from their adopted childrens first parents?
I am not sure if I am phrasing these questions right, or if anyone will see them here…