Open Adoption Support » first grandparents http://www.openadoptionsupport.com for families and individuals who support openness in adoption Wed, 08 Feb 2012 17:52:52 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 How do we say no to extended family involvement? http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/2009/11/how-do-we-say-no-to-extended-family-involvement/ http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/2009/11/how-do-we-say-no-to-extended-family-involvement/#comments Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:14:49 +0000 Anonymous http://openadoptionsupport.com/?p=851
  • How close is too close?
  • My son's first mom wants unsupervised visits but I have huge safety concerns. How do I handle telling her no?
  • How do I tell my daughter that our family friends are her birth family?
    • ]]>     When we entered into the open adoption it was ONLY to be with biomother. Because of the whole dcf involvement, the grandparents never wanting contact, thats what we agreed. Today i got an email asking me to bring my son to his biograndmothers daughters bday party. shes turning 6. Honestly she rejected him by not parenting him for her daughter, seen him 3 times in 3 years, now she wants me to attend a party? Am i nuts or am i missing something!!

    Related posts:

    1. How close is too close?
    2. My son's first mom wants unsupervised visits but I have huge safety concerns. How do I handle telling her no?
    3. How do I tell my daughter that our family friends are her birth family?

    ]]>     http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/2009/11/how-do-we-say-no-to-extended-family-involvement/feed/ 17     Do we have to send letters to grandparents? http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/2009/08/do-we-have-to-send-letters-to-grandparents/ http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/2009/08/do-we-have-to-send-letters-to-grandparents/#comments Mon, 10 Aug 2009 02:19:22 +0000 Anonymous http://openadoptionsupport.com/?p=827
  • Do first grandparents have rights?
  • Why would the bio grandparents not want to see their grandson?
  • How can I get the grandparents to respect our family boundaries?
    • ]]>     Once again…I need some suggestions from others with more experience than myself…in regard to the bf’s mother. As I had previously posted, we have been having considerable “challenges” with the bf’s mother….everything from threats to guilt-trips to seething letters…and then she’ll act like nothing bad has ever transpired between us. (I suspect that she MIGHT be manic-depressive.) Anyway…just got a response from my request that they limit their gifts. She agreed and thanked me for explaining it to her. But, she wants to start e-mailing me regularly and wants me to give updates to her as well as her son. I hesitate because she will take things we say, such as, “we are planning a summer vacation”, and twist it into “we are coming to see you for summer vacation”. When we don’t do what she dreams up or twists around…we get a hateful letter from her about how we got her hopes up and disappointed her once again. Because of this…we had previously told the bf that all communication will go through him (all updates, pictures, everything.) I am conflicted because I do not want to create tension or anxiety between us (at least, any more than already exists), but I really truly believe that more contact with her will create more problems and more “misunderstandings”. Help!!!

    Related posts:

    1. Do first grandparents have rights?
    2. Why would the bio grandparents not want to see their grandson?
    3. How can I get the grandparents to respect our family boundaries?

    ]]>     http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/2009/08/do-we-have-to-send-letters-to-grandparents/feed/ 5     How to handle too many gifts from first family? http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/2009/07/how-to-handle-too-many-gifts-from-first-family/ http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/2009/07/how-to-handle-too-many-gifts-from-first-family/#comments Thu, 30 Jul 2009 17:19:13 +0000 Anonymous http://openadoptionsupport.com/?p=817
  • What gifts can a birth/first mom give her birthchilds adoptive parents?
  • We are feeling hurt and lied to by our daughter's birth family. What do we do?
  • How can I get the grandparents to respect our family boundaries?
    • ]]>     My daughter’s birthfather and his parents have been sending/giving a lot of presents to our daughter since she was born.  Her birthmother very rarely sends anything to her.  Now that she is 3…she is very perceptive and aware of who gives her what and how many gifts are given to her by different people in her family.  Because of this…we sent a request to the birthfather and his parents to please limit their gift-giving.  We explained that there was a huge difference between what they give and what the birthmother sends/gives and that we just do not want her to jump to the wrong conclusion that one family loves her more than the other.  They replied with a very negative e-mail.  This past weekend…we had our annual visit.  The visit went fine..as far as that we all got along and there was no tension.  However…they showed up with a huge totebag filled to the top with gifts…12 in all.  (Birthmother came to the visit with 1 small gift.) Before we could stop them, they were dishing out those gits to my little girl saying, “Look at all the neat things we got you!”  It just seems to me they are using these gifts to win her love. I had explained to them that we wanted the visits to be about their presence and not their presents…my words have made no impact. Any suggestions?

    Related posts:

    1. What gifts can a birth/first mom give her birthchilds adoptive parents?
    2. We are feeling hurt and lied to by our daughter's birth family. What do we do?
    3. How can I get the grandparents to respect our family boundaries?

    ]]>     http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/2009/07/how-to-handle-too-many-gifts-from-first-family/feed/ 11