Open Adoption Support » explanations http://www.openadoptionsupport.com for families and individuals who support openness in adoption Wed, 08 Feb 2012 17:52:52 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 How do we explain why one child has an open adoption and the other does not? http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/2009/06/how-do-we-explain-why-one-child-has-an-open-adoption-and-the-other-does-not/ http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/2009/06/how-do-we-explain-why-one-child-has-an-open-adoption-and-the-other-does-not/#comments Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:34:37 +0000 Anonymous http://openadoptionsupport.com/?p=780
  • How can I encourage our son's first mom to write him a letter explaining how/why she gave up her child for adoption?
  • I love my sister (my daughter's bio mom) but I don't want her in my daughter's life. How do I explain the relationship?
  • How do I know if my child's first mom is content with our open adoption?
    • ]]>     Hello. I have a question maybe someone who has a similar situation can help answer. My son is adopted. For reasons I will not go into here to protect my child’s privacy and his biological family, the biological family at their insistance does not have contact. My husband and I have recently been approached about another adoption with a different family in which the family wants an open situation. We are totally fine with that. My question is how to handle it when our son is older and asks why his other adopted sibling gets to see their first family and he can’t. Does anyone have a situation of adoption where one child doesn’t really see the first family for whatever reason and another does? How do you handle this in adoption situations?

    Related posts:

    1. How can I encourage our son's first mom to write him a letter explaining how/why she gave up her child for adoption?
    2. I love my sister (my daughter's bio mom) but I don't want her in my daughter's life. How do I explain the relationship?
    3. How do I know if my child's first mom is content with our open adoption?

    ]]>     http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/2009/06/how-do-we-explain-why-one-child-has-an-open-adoption-and-the-other-does-not/feed/ 2     How do I explain without bad-mouthing? http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/2009/06/how-do-i-explain-without-bad-mouthing/ http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/2009/06/how-do-i-explain-without-bad-mouthing/#comments Tue, 16 Jun 2009 14:04:06 +0000 Anonymous http://openadoptionsupport.com/?p=768
  • How much say do I have in first family relationships?
    • ]]>     We just got back from attending DS’s fmom’s wedding, and a visit with fdad, his girlfriend and his parents.

    Everything went really well, DS was in the wedding as a junior attendant with the grooms nephew as well as the bride’s nephew (DS’s cousin), DS met a lot of relatives for the first time and there are super special pictures of him with his fmom. We visited fdad in his hometown, and his parents met us there. We spent a day at a national park and waded in mountain streams and had a ball.

    Here’s my problem. Fdad, and his girlfriend, are the main reasons fmom chose adoption. She did not want DS to have fdad as his father, and she didn’t want the girlfriend as any kind of step-mom (they were seeing each other while fmom was pregnant, and he would leave her alone and without a car for days at a time). fmom and fdad are no longer friendly

    Face to face during visits, fdad is fine, DS likes him well enough and they have fun during visits, but it’s a sort of mask as his true nature is narcissistic and passive-aggressive. He had a habit of denying paternity during the pregnancy, and keeps DS a secret from coworkers and friends even now. I know his real character, and obviously fmom knows it. He is fine face to face for the sake of appearing to be a good guy.

    For right now, we just address/accept the good direct contacts and visits, and keep conversations focused on the face value stuff, but not too long from now DS is going to wonder why he was placed. I don’t want to lie to him, or sugarcoat things, and I definitely don’t want to make excuses to make fdad look good.

    How will I explain that the guy you have fun with and you like is really pathologically self absorbed? How do I not talk badly about fdad, yet still be truthful? Should I just turn the explaining over to fmom?

    We all have to learn that some people hide behind masks, but it is usually about acquaintances and such, not an integral part of our life story.

    3.5 years went by so fast, I can’t put off thinking about it anymore. I will feel better with a more concrete plan.

    Related posts:

    1. How much say do I have in first family relationships?

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