Where we live we have very limited options (read no options) about local ‘full service’ adoption agencies that reflect what we believe are best practices in adoption (practices that reflect ongoing support for expectant and first parents, adoptees and adoptive parents including navigation of open adoption). Further there are basically no big local agencies that stress and educate about open adoption and many of them will only work with christian heterosexual married couples and while we are a heterosexual married couple we don’t want to work with an agency that doesn’t work with families of all kinds. We are planning on signing up with an agency in a nearby state that is focused on open adoption and supports all members of the triad, before and after placement. However, that support is provided by the big agency if the expectant and first parent is in that agency state, otherwise the counseling would be contracted out to a small local agency that provides counseling, in our case our local home study agency would probably provide that counseling. Our local home study agency is a small operation that primarily handles home studies for adoptions and fostering situations and counseling in the situations described above. So far we have been impressed with how they talk about all members of the triad and their approach to adoption. However, the local agency does not have an established large scale structured program for expectant and first parents or adoptees. They do not go out and seek expectant parents or market themselves as an agency that matches. Actually, they don’t market themselves at all. They are sometimes approached by expectant parents.

The situation that we’ve been told about is in some ways perfect. The expectant mother is super local which we think would be important in our idea of open adoption relationships and she is really interested in having an ongoing relationship. If she chooses to place her child she has expressed an interest in the family not being religious, but the local ‘full service’ (someone please provide another word – I hate that this sounds like a gas station) are primarily religious organizations and so matches appear to not be what she is looking for. She has described some specific world views that align closely with ours.

We have agreed to the local agency sharing our profile (I worked into the night on it), but we want to make sure that if she is interested in talking with us that all of us are given the education, counseling and support that is needed. We’re trying to identify possible problems with not using the big agency and identify resources we can use to address those issues. We would appreciate any input. This may go absolutely nowhere, but if it does we wanted to have thought this out properly. Thanks.

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3. My teenage daughters don't like their birthfamilies sharing on Facebook. Thoughts?

I guess what I need to know…is it just mean and nasty to say we are busy can she just mail the easter basket? It just feels like she keeps overstepping and trying to sneak in extra visits (like halloween day too)….but then again I feel like I am wrong if I do not allow these visits because of the amazing gift of Laura she gave to us. Any advice?

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We’ve been invited to “The Baby’s” first birthday party.  FDad may or may not come depending on his work schedule.  I am probaby going…even though it’s going to be a huge scary intimidating gathering (probably over 50 people), wild horses couldn’t keep me away.  I am not at all good in big groups of strangers but I survived their Thanksgiving so I’ll survive this too.

My older daughter (Munchkin) is 7 and still wants nothing to do with “the Baby.”  She acknowledges that the Baby is biologically her sister and is just not interested right now in her or any babies at all.  Baby C’s parents I think are a little put out that Munchkin isn’t interested.  At previous visits, I’ve told Munchkin that I was going and invited her along.  She refused and stayed with her grandparents instead.  She doesn’t protest that I’m going but just doesn’t want to go along.

This past year, I haven’t really pushed her…but at what point should I push her?  Should I insist that she come to this first birthday party?  Or ask her to come to a quieter more low-key visit this spring?  I start thinking – enough already!  …that she should be at visits.  But why?  One minute I’m saying that she’s a person and defending her right to make any choices she wants unless they directly harm her and the next I’m thinking abotu forcing contact with her bio-sibling whether she wants to or not.  I usually try to pull adoption out of the equation (if it was an extended family member, would I do this?) and using that guide, I would nto force munchkin to be in contact if she didn’t want to…but this IS adoption….

Is it right to force contact when the only sibling who can tell us how she feels doesn’t want to visit?

Related posts:

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