Open Adoption Support » adoptive parenting

How much do adoptive parents tell their friends?

Anonymous — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 19:49:13 +0000

For a while a though has been knocking around in my head.
I know many adoptive parents with open adoptions are respectful to first parents and everything.
What I am currently wondering(and I am sorry that I have been so overly-curious lately) is how much to you tell your friends?
For example say a friend makes a compliment on your adopted child(hair, eyes, height, etc) do you just say ‘thank you’ or do you say something like ‘yeah, he/she gets that from her first parents’ or something like that?

If your friends ask you about your adoption experience do you go into detail about first parents at any time, or do you just stick to the facts of the experience from your own POV?

If any of your friends make comments about first parents in any kind of way that could be percieved as negative, do you speak out against them or just ignore them?

I am just wondering about adoptive parents in general and how they conciously or unconciously portray first parents(families?) to the people in their lives.

How to tell her not to call herself "mommy?"

Anonymous — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 14:25:07 +0000

well i received a call from my sons bmother. she asked me..when i come down next weekend, can I take a picture with K? I said sure,,she wants to go to sears. She said..i never took a picture just mommy and son! Well, now, I am going to allow the picture BUT wondering how Im going to address the whole..mommy and him thing. He calls her by her first name and since he just turned 3 he has no clue what adoption is just yet. So again,,shes managed to put me on the spot. Not sure how to address her.

How do you stay motivated when there's no response?

Anonymous — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 16:42:25 +0000

I’m struggling. In a couple of weeks it will be one year since I have heard anything from my son’s birthmom. I email her monthly updates and load pictures to our flickr site. Earlier this week he hit 22 months old and I still haven’t not written this month’s letter. It’s been about 6 weeks since I uploaded any pictures.

Each month the letters are getting harder and harder to sit down and write. Does she even read them? They take me a couple of hours (with a full time job and an active toddler those hours of time to sit and write are precious and hard to come by)and I’m feeling like it’s wasted time. It’s easy to tell my friends and family what he’s been doing because, gee, they ask and let me know they are interested.

I’m fully committed to my promise of frequent updates to her. I print my letters and file them away for my son to have one day – I guess as my version of his baby book. That’s the only thing keeping me going right now. I don’t want to have to explain a missing month to him.

I guess I just need some reassurance and encouragement that I need to accept this completely one-sided relationship as is. How do others stay enthusiastic?

Do I share enough? Too much?

How much should I share with my child's birth mom?

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 23:46:22 +0000

My husband and I have what I consider a very good relationship with our daughters birthmom. In fact, there are times, that I think she and I would like to just hang out without the kids!! I just posted about my daughter acting out after the last couple of visits (we get togehter every 2-3 months) and I wonder if letting her know about some of it is too much to put on her (birthmom?)
I did tell her that I have noticed in the past year, that she is protective about talking about her birth family now that she has picked up that its not ”the norm”

Do I share enough? Too much?

How do I tell my son's birth parents that we're divorcing?

Anonymous — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 22:21:46 +0000

My husband and I recently separated and are headed to divorce. My marriage is over and I will be a single mom to our son who is adopted. His birth parents placed him with us because they were not ready to get married and they wanted him to be raised by two parents. I am devestated and I don’t know how to tell them. We have visits with his birth mom but haven’t seen his birth dad in two years. My son is five. But we will need to tell him too and I don’t know how. I feel so guilty and I feel like I can’t face her. Please help me figure out how to tell her.

Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform

Dawn — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 13:47:07 +0000

PEAR is a grassroots group of adoptive and prospective adoptive parents who have come together to discuss the lack of a unified, respected voice for adoptive families.

Our membership has grown via word of mouth to include adoptees, adoption professionals, and other persons interested in meaningful ethical adoption reform from the adoptive parent point of view.

We believe that the existing system needs strong reforms because it does not represent the best interest of the people most impacted by the system:the children and their families.

We are tired of being ignored.
We are through with being laughed at.
We are ready to fight.

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