Open Adoption Support » Adoptee Experiences

They haven't even told my daughter she's adopted. Now what?

Anonymous — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:10:44 +0000

I had never considered adoption for my daughter prior to being admitted to the hospital. My baby had suddenly decided to come early, and I did not have any support.

In the hospital, I was interrogated by an adoption lawyer and agency. This was while in the hospital bed, the day after my daughter was born. I don’t know how they found me, as I had never contacted any adoption agency, as it wasn’t a part of my idea. I asked about being in an open adoption, as a part of my daughter’s life. They broke me down for hours, until I signed papers giving up my rights to my daughter, but they had also agreed that I’d have an open adoption with visits, pictures, updates, etc. When I met the adoptive parents, prior to the finalization, they made these same promises.

11 years later, the adoption has been closed. After three years I stopped receiving pictures and updates. I have found them, and am in an email exchange with a criminal lawyer friend of theirs who is also an adoptive parent who doesn’t get it. I wrote to him again, but he just defends the adoptive parents, saying they were nice and then he told me my daughter doesn’t even know she’s adopted! This is after the adoptive mother stated that she tells my daughter about me.

I feel very betrayed. But I am still plugging away. I am afraid that I will never be allowed to be a part of my daughter’s life. Since she doesn’t know she’s adopted, she will never search for me. It’s been 11 years that have been lost. I feel like I just keep beating my head into the wall with these people. All I want, is what I was promised.

Will I get my real family in trouble now that I've found them?

Anonymous — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 18:19:40 +0000

I am 13 years old and I recently found my real family online I love them so much and they love me. It is a closed adoption and my adpted parents forbid me but I want to know my sister and brothers and family. Will i get them in trouble if I keep talking to them?

What if my child was conceived by rape?

Anonymous — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 19:33:42 +0000

I’m wondering if anyone has any advice. I am adopting a child who was conceived by rape. I don’t want to share this information with extended family. I’m also worried about how and when I will tell my child. Any advice?

My child wants to know why he doesn't see his first mom anymore. What do I say?

Anonymous — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 16:05:57 +0000

We have pictures of my son with his first mother when he was a baby but she has dropped out of our lives in the years since. He is now four and asking where she went an why he doesn’t see her. The problem is I don’t know where she is or why she no longer picks our packets up at the agency. We only saw her twice after our son’s adoption but we did use to talk occasionally on the phone but her phone is disconnected and I have no way to find out where she is now. I don’t know what to tell him about why she isn’t part of our lives anymore.

How do I start a search?

How do I start a search?

Anonymous — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 17:43:14 +0000

I know where I was born, where my adoption was completed and even my birth mothers name. I have written letters to the courts and all I get is the run around. The state i was born in says they have no non-identifying information on me that i should contact the state adoption was completed in. I contacted then and they said they have nothing and sent me back to the birth state. What can I do next? I dont have the money to hire an attorney to have my records unsealed or to hire a private investigator

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Is open adoption confusing to the kids?

Anonymous — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 20:08:58 +0000

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