Open Adoption Support » addiction

My friend’s open adoption closed. Is there anything she can do?

Anonymous — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:49:54 +0000

i have a friend whose adoption is supposed to be open.yet the adoptive mother is refusing any contact.she never wanted to give up her son in the first place.she has been clean over a year and doesnt want to take him away just to be part of his life any ideas on what she can do

I am looking for advice on how to accomplish maintaining meaningful contact with our son’s addicted birth parents.

Anonymous — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 14:44:38 +0000

We have a 20 month old son, which also means we have a 20 month old open adoption relationship with his birth parents. That means we are still learning and figuring out how to work in this relationship (and probably will for the foreseeable future). My question is this…how do we maintain a relationship, if it is even possible, with someone dealing with addiction? Also, living several states away (which wasn’t true at the time of placement)?

First off I have only a small idea of what addition is like; over eating, playing too many video games, etc, etc, but none of that has been enough to change the course of my life. So while I can emphasize with her addictions, I know I will never completely understand what she is going through. Quite honestly, I hope I never have to completely understand. However, I would like to keep a door open to her in regards to a possible relationship with our son. I want to be able to do that without being taken advantage of and I know that is a fine, fine line.

So I am looking for advice on how to accomplish maintaining meaningful contact. I am afraid, if the past is any indication, this relationship will be largely one sided.

Openness with families who are addicts?

Anonymous — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 21:23:32 +0000

So, are you all encouraging visits with small adopted children and their birth moms/dads? What if birth parents are addicts, not stable. Isnt this a lot for a child to have to deal with. Isnt it asking a lot of the adoptive parents to help their child shuffle their affections back and forth? It seems that when the courts determine birth parents loose their parental rights and the child is adopted, nobody should have to continously deal with all of this emotional baggage. I guess I am feeling a little vulnerable and angry right now, but, I really would like to know why people think this is the right thing to do?

Should we let our addicted daughter visit our grandson?

Anonymous — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 16:40:25 +0000

We adopted our grandson because our cps took parental custody from our daughter. She had lost other children to adoption with strangers to us. Couldn’t bare to have this happen again. But now we are involved with his adult brothers & Sisters and other members of our family. His father is deceased. His b-mom wants him and/or wants to see him. She is an addict. He is very sensitive and she is very inappropriate. Family basically thinks we should allow visits. Husband on the fence (for over thirty years). So, if you have suggestions about this I would appreciate hearing them. I feel very alone here. Thanks.