by Dawn Friedman

Many adoptive families wonder how to handle it when their child's birth parent has another child. Joyce Maguire Pavao, Ed.D., LCSW is the founder and CEO of the Center for Family Connections in Boston. She says "the second first child" is a critical time in any adoption.

"Although this arrival of a sibling or half sibling is momentous in so many ways for the adults, it is the children on whom we should be centered," said Dr. Pavao in an email interview. "The earlier and more normalized the explanation of the new baby is to the adopted child, the more ability there will be to process this and to talk about it in a developmentally correct way."

It's typical, says Dr. Pavao, for birth parents to pull back as they focus attention on their growing family. Adoptive parents who understand this can help their children process the natural ebb and flow in their birth family relationship.

"The more we normalize and make clear and simple the realities," she says. "The easier it is to keep good and honest communication with all of the children involved."