definition of Open Adoption, according to Wikipedia:

Open adoption is a term generally used to describe a variety of arrangements allowing for ongoing contact between members of the 'adoption triad' (adoptive family, birth family, and adopted child). The level of openness in any relationship varies widely. Degrees of open arrangements span from mediated contact, which implies letters and photographs sent through a third party (so that the adoptive family can maintain privacy), to the full disclosure of the adoptive family's personal information. In fully open adoptions, there is actual physical contact, through meetings and visits between the birth family and the adoptive family. Sometimes an adoption agency may describe an adoption as 'open' when the birth-mother (and/or birth-father) may have a say or may make the actual decision on who is chosen to parent their child, though this is not the generally accepted definition.

i'm just using that as an example, especially because Wikipedia is "regular-person edited", and not a specific organization with their own specific viewpoint. certainly, Open Adoption is many things to many people.

according to the above definition, i'm part of a Fully Open Adoption, as i've had visits over the years. What started (again, with the definition above) as Mediated Contact, grew in the span of weeks to Full Disclosure, due to hints & information dropped by Betty during our first meeting. i took this perspective: at the hospital, they would know my full name & pertinent information. i would be easy enough to locate if they chose. Betty dropped the hints, the puzzle was easy enough to assemble. from a profile to full disclosure in a matter of two weeks. my social worker, "Trusted Ally", knew how much information i had learned. i wasn't going to hide it from her. and i certainly wasn't going to "do" anything the the knowledge i had obtained. and sure, we started having visits outside of the watchful eye of the agency soon into our relationship. so under those definitions, we do have a Fully Open Adoption. however, i don't categorize it as such.

we're told over and over that the key to any successful relationship is:

Communication.

How many times have Betty and i really discussed adoption, how it's affecting us individually or as a "group", how does the Kiddo feel?, tough issues or even a better moment in adoption? i can remember once clearly, when the Kiddo was still in diapers. and there were passing statements when the two younger children were adopted. it's the proverbial elephant in the room. and that's why we're here. perhaps its fear. or hurt. or general anxiety & unease. maybe neither one of us has the cojones to start. or knows where to begin. maybe she doesn't want to potentially upset me, and i wrongfully assume she doesn't care. it's such a waste. we're two intelligent women who could have a thoughtful & enlightening conversation. at almost 10 years into it, boundaries have been set and patterns difficult to break.

and we continue with stilted, awkward conversation about everyday topics during visits. The "A" word going unsaid, the stone remaining unturned. i loathe to think about what's festering beneath that stone, for all parties.