I get that way also I hated living with the fact that they could come and get Riley anytime they wanted to.  Our adoption is going to be final on the 22nd of January and I am so excited.  I am hoping once everything is final that the anxiety will go away.  Any hope for me?

I feel this way often.  My heart jumps if I hear her voice on the answering machine.  I am wondering, what's that in her voice?  What is she really saying?  We had one call at midnight once and it took me a couple hours to come down off the adrenalin.  At times--I've had a little twitch whenever the phone rings, period.  It seems so important, so fraught, especially if it's been a longer time since we last spoke--the tension builds and builds the longer we're out of contact.  However, there is also a feeling of relief on the other end, after we've just spoken and it's been a good (or even just OK) conversation.  
I'm kind of socially awkward under the best of circumstances, so I expect there to always be some of these feelings swirling in me.  I do have hope though, since it's better now than it used to be, and I expect it will continue to improve.  

I remember feeling this way at the beginning. I've been thinking on this since you posted and trying to figure out how to explain what it was for me. Dealing with Madison's first family at the beginning of our adoption was emotionally fraught. I was worried about getting it wrong, I was fearful of seeing their pain, I was nervous about screwing it up long-term for Madison. Sometimes I'd think, "I just want to be a parent -- not an adoptive parent." It felt so hard and I wanted it to be easier.

Happily it DID get easier with practice. We have a very open adoption so buy about six months it was easier and I no longer had that anxious "oh no" feeling.

And you know what? That anxious feeling I had is one reason I started this site. When I talked to people about how hard it felt for me very often their answer was, "Close the adoption -- it'll be better for everyone." But I didn't believe that and what I needed and really wanted was people who would have the same assumption that openness is good that I did (and do) and could give me support from that vantage point. Fortunately I found that via blogging but I wanted other people to find that without having to look too hard. Because it *does* get easier and it *is* worth it.

Hang in there! 

I don't really know if it's common or not, but I know that I was nervous at the beginning around my son's first family. I think they probably were, too. I mean, we had only known each other for a few weeks and suddenly we were in this lifelong relationship. Who wouldn't be a little nervous? I felt like I had a responsibility to nurture these relationships for my son's sake, and I was worried I would do something to screw them up. Some of it was my personality, too. Adoption can be so emotional and complex, and I just wanted to be omniscient and know exactly what everyone was thinking or feeling at any given moment.  (I felt the same way around my husband's family at the beginning of our marriage.  Every interaction seemed so loaded--it was exhausting!)

It is SO much better now.  Honest.  But I still get nervous sometimes when we take another big step in our realtionships with them. My son's first dad is coming for his first overnight visit with us in a few days and I'm excited, but also super anxious. Because I really want it to go well and it is all bit unknown and out of my control.

Hang in there--and know that at least one other person has shared your experience. It is time and consistent contact that helps me. Getting to know one another better and having enough familiarity that I'm not second-guessing everything that is said or done. And time to do a little soul-searching to see if there is anything underneath my anxiety that I can work on. (Not saying that's true for you, but it was for me.)  Because I really want to sincerely enjoy contact with my son's first family, so that he can feel free to enjoy them, too.