I'm from Canada so I don't know the laws where you live but I am confused as to WHY you want to stop this adoption. Do you really want to parent? Or do you just not want to lose control of something that is 'yours'. Do you even care about this ex of yours? I agree with all the suggestions of sending money. Making it somehow traceable is a really good idea too. Also do you have the support of your family to be parenting if it ends up that you recieve custody? You should have a large network of friends on your side if you plan to be successful. Also if you know any of your ex's friends see if they will support you as well. If your intentions are completely honorable I don't see why they wouldn't help you. When I placed my birthchild for adoption I included the birthfather in all decisions. I only wish that this ex of yours had told you her reasons for making a placement plan. Good luck!

Okay first, sign up with Oregon's putative father registry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you have no idea what that means, don't worry, most fathers don't--but you MUST sign up! Here's a URL to contact info for the registry: http://adoption.about.com/od/adoptionrights/p/oregonfather.htm

Second, sign up for putative father registries in absolutely every state you think your ex might give birth in. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I'm serious--do it. Here's a URL containing links to other state putative father registries: http://adoption.about.com/cs/adoptionrights/a/putative_list.htm

The laws are heavily slanted AGAINST preserving fathers' rights. So you need to be proactive and just do all this silly stuff to really protect yourself.

Third, if you have the means, get a lawyer.

Fourth, check out this website: http://www.eriksmith.org/ It has info and articles on fathers' rights. It was started by Erik Smith, a man who lost his child to adoption, fought it, and ended up with a joint custody arrangement (HIGHLY uncommon--much better to just sign up with those ridiculous registries to protect yourself, get a lawyer if possible, etc).

Fifth, if you know that your ex is working with a particular lawyer or agency, send them a statement in writing that you are the father of her child and you do NOT consent to having your child adopted. Make tons of copies of this statement. Then send it by certified letter.

Sixth, document, document, document. Document EVERY conversation you have with the mother about this. Document every detail pertaining the situation.

Seventh, SEND FINANCIAL SUPPORT TO YOUR EX. Whatever you can afford, even if it's just a little, send some--on a regular basis. Include brief notes saying it is to help her with pregnancy expenses. Again, make copies of the notes. Consider sending checks, as those will be traceable, unlike cash. Again, send them certified letter if possible. And again, document it every time you send her money. I have no idea what the situation is between you, so if this suggestion is offensive--if she has mistreated you and the idea of supporting her is offensive, repulsive, hurtful, whatever--I truly, truly apologize. But I am suggesting this because sometimes fathers' rights can be terminated against their will if the mother can show that he "abandoned" her during the pregnancy--and abandonment tends to mean monetarily. If you help defray the pregnancy costs, it will be harder to terminate your rights on those grounds. Also, do your best to support her emotionally--offer to take her to doctor's visits, for example.

Hope I didn't overwhelm you. Like I said, the laws are stacked against you. But that does NOT mean you should give up!

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I hope you are able to be with your child. If you need anything else, let us know.

P.S. Just saw the other comments. Please contact Erik and answer his questions, he is by far the most knowledgeable person here on this matter. And I'm seconding what Jenna said about getting your ducks in a row... parenting classes, starting a nursery, etc.

Good luck... seriously. I will be thinking about you and sending positive thoughts out for you. Please let us know how it goes.

To Ray (alleged father)

So that I may assist you most effectively, please answer the following questions:

Were you ever married to the mother? If so, when?
What city and county does the mother live in?
What city and county do you live in?
Has the mother implied that she will be moving, or getting married, in the near future? If so, where might she be moving to?

Erik L. Smith
The Law Clerk Underground

No new info from me -- just words of support and encouragement.  And I want to echo that an attorney is imperative!  Good luck!!

I have sent this to Erik Smith who should be able to give you some advice.   He's at work now and I don't now when he' see it.  In the meantime please go to his website.  His contact information is there.  He's has quite bit on it about dad's rights and putative father registeries.  www.eriksmith.org  It is imiperitaive that you act immediately.

Marley

I would get an attorney immediately, and get on the putative father's registry or otherwise accept paternity according to the laws of your state. An attorney is so important to help you assert your rights!

I found the following information for Oregon:

Please keep us posted!