Hello everyone.  I've been lurking for a few months, connected with Dawn through LJ.  http://integritysinger.livejournal.com is me.

I'm an adoptive mother of three children who are biological siblings.  We are in a semi open adoption meaning the children have ongoing contact with their extended family but limited contact with their first mother.

The children are asking, nay, begging that we adopt again.  They have unanimously ganged up on my husband and me, relentlessly discussing when, who, what,where, why, and how we will extend our family.  To quote my oldest, "mom, just go to the hospital and pick out a baby like you did with Maren," because that's her perception of how her younger sister joined our family.

Truthfully, my husband and I would like to have more children too.  Before we married, we discussed our desires about family size and having both come from large families, agreed that we'd like the same. 

Growing up, we both had friendships with adoptees from China.  Our perceptions of their identity struggles and difficulties with their adoption stories made us leary of international adoptions.  As adults, we've made friendships with stateside adoptees in closed adoptions who seem to have similar struggles with identity and their adoption stories.  So it begs the question, is it international adoption that is the issue, or closed adoption?  And if the answer is the later, then just how do you create an open international adoption situation?

That's problem number one.  Problem number two may be my pontificating, but I think I might have a legitimate concern. The children have each other; sharing their adoption story and identity, working through their adoptiveness, and enjoying their first family (indeed, many times when we are with their first family, it is my husband and I who feel adopted!).  So is it logical to assume that adding a sibling or two from a different first family(or families) and even a different country with possibly a different race who don't share in their first family connections and their biological connections will create a HUGE issue for all of the children as they process their relationships with one another and their adoptiveness?  And just how do I as an adoptive mother juggle openness with multiple first families?  Holidays are already pretty chaotic going to three different family gatherings.  And we haven't even approached the issue with the children's first family to find out if they'd acknowledge and accept the kids' other adopted siblings. 

 I mean ,wow. This just looks like a loaded gun to me.  Or am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?  Is it enough to just extend our family on our desires alone and roll with the punches later?  Do we adopt internationally or press our luck again with a stateside, local adoption? 

All that and I've not even mentioned the fact that two of my kids have challenges/disabilities and would a first mother even consider placing her child with a family that has disabled kids?  Or do we just play that hand and adopt more disabled kids? 

Ugh.  I was hoping writing this out would help me sort it through.  It's only served to confuse me more. 

help please.  It's likely you've got more brains than i do at the mo.