For the first time in a very long time, just the other day, School Girl asked about her birthfather.

I should preface this by saying a couple of things. First, School Girl cannot remember ever seeing her birthfather in person. He and his family have chosen not to be a part of our arrangement with M, School Girl’s birthmom, and her family. S was there when she was placed with us, and we have not seen him since. Second, for reasons that I can’t talk about, S cannot presently be contacted by us.

It came out of the blue. School Girl and I were tidying up her room, and she just began asking. Is S still…(where he is)? Why is he (where he is)? Just a couple of questions, but they’re so difficult to answer in a way that would be appropriate for a 5-year-old. Mostly because the adults answering can’t really come up with a good response themselves; there are so many things that we are aware of, but we don’t really know. I don’t want her to think she can’t talk about it, but I really don’t know myself. One of the people who knows slightly more than me is not
presently in contact with us, to be nice and vague.

Things like these make me question just how open our adoption has been/will continue to be. The only thing I could think of to tell her was, “I don’t know, baby. Maybe someday we’ll find out, but none of us know the answers now.”