I've been thinking about writing this off and on.  I have another blog, but I've stopped writing about our adoption there altogether.  Some of it is to protect my daughter's privacy, and some of it...is why I'm writing this post.

For a while, we had an open adoption.  It didn't start out that way; all the "open adoptions" at our agency, especially the ones involving infants, were what most here would call "semi-open".  That is, letters and pictures at approved intervals, no identifying information in either the letters or pictures, no last names or addresses of either party until the adopted child is 18.  When we were placed with School Girl, we signed a paper agreeing to four visits in the first year.  The visits would be on "neutral territory", supervised by at least two social workers (ours and first family's).  We agreed to it, and signed.  That was the last time we saw M for six months, and the very last time we have seen S since.

Two months after that, we got a letter from M, delivered to us through the agency.  She wanted to be more open, and shared with us a staggering amount of stuff: pictures from School Girl's stay in the hospital right after birth, M's full name, address and phone # (along with the invitation to call anytime), her graduation announcement, and a couple of other things.  We called and inadvertently met M's parents.  We still have a relationship with them.

M is another story.  Lots of things about her placement, from the start, have been difficult for her. We've only had a few visits with her, her choice.  She's called whenever she'd like to have a visit with School Girl, and we've always made the time to go.  The last visit we had was to a photo studio, to have their picture taken together.  That was 5 months ago, right before her birthday.  We hadn't seen or heard from her in the previous two years.  

School Girl, with my encouragement, called her last week to tell her about her first day of kindergarten.  She left a message.  No response.  When I called back, in case School Girl hadn't left the message correctly (the message is a little confusing if you've not had experience with voicemail before) - the phone was turned off.  Maybe it didn't mean anything.  But I don't want to see that disappointment on my daughter's face any more.  I have no idea what to do.

We still have contact with M's parents, and for now that will have to be enough.  They had warned us that M has a difficult time communicating with them, but I thought it might be different when her daughter's involved.  I don't know.  I'm not willing to walk away entirely, but I'm backing off.

I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm being a judgemental b**ch.  And this is after I've had the weekend to think about what I'd say...