adoption agencies

• "Christian" adoption agency?-

  We finalized our youngest's adoption before the holidays and are searching for an agency to adopt again. I'm looking for open adoption friendly agencies that are Christ oriented and based in Georgia because that's our MO.

  In a search of more than a dozen agencies, I've sorted through the chaff and turned up only one agency that meets our criteria effectively. Conversely, I turned up some alarming and head turning others that concern me for the welfare of all persons in the adoption triangle.

  One "christian" agency I found requires signature on the agency's "statement of faith", longstanding membership at a church and completion of a referral letter from a pastor that can verify a couple's committment to being part of a church body. ???? They make no mention of openness.

   I grew up in a christian home, attending church my whole life and then some how ended up in a cult church after I got married and moved to Georgia. For six years, we were blinded by the stoical and stiffling religious practices and demands on our christianity before we got out, our faith in tatters. It's been a long, hard comeback and with counseling, I've rebuilt my faith but I've not been able to trust a church since. To complicate matters, our son's disability makes regular church attendance and committment to extracurricular church activities a real challenge. At this time, not because we are non-practicing in our faith but because of outside influences, we are unchurched. So I queried agency number two, explaining our present issue and got the following response:

  "Let me first say, thank you for expressing your honesty regarding your church issue and I do understand your dilemma. Unfortunately, because it is one of our requirements, we are unable to [exclude] it. A couple’s involvement within their church body and their spiritual relationship is very important and it is one of the things that we make a commitment to our birthmothers. Secondly, it’s more than just having your name on the membership, but a commitment to raise a family within a church body and to be actively involved in those ministries. We make a commitment to our birthmothers that our families are strong Christians who are actively involved within their ministries and who are willing to raise their children in the same atmosphere. In the pre-application, there is a church evaluation that your pastor would have to sign and we would also have to send your Pastor a reference letter. So please understand that it’s not that we just simply ask about your church membership, but there are documents that have to be completed by your pastor as well as discussions with a caseworkers regarding these issues. It is also important for a couple to have the ability to rely upon their church family for strength and growth. Even within the mega churches, it’s a good idea to become involved in the small group ministries, because your church family can provide support during the difficult times. I hope that this answers your questions. I encourage you both to continue to seek God as to what church He is leading you to and once you have become members and actively involved in the ministries, feel free to contact us regarding the pre-application."

   I worry about women considering placing their child using this agency. Maybe it's because I've seen the harsh side of "church" that I'm concernced, but just because a couple gets a letter from a pastor saying they are committed to God and the church, doesnt' mean they'd be good people to place their child with.  It just scares me. So much unspoken scary crap happens behind the closed doors of churches and "christian" homes that I can't say that is good criteria for choosing a couple.

  First moms, what say you? How important is religious declaration when considering placing your child with a couple? Is it so important that you need statments of faith and pastoral referrals? Or is it enough to hear a couple say they believe in a higher diety, Christ even, and that they plan to raise your child according to those morals? I think this agency means well but I also think they cross the line. Anyone with me? Other opinions?

• Long-Term Commitments: Post Adoption Support for Open Adoptions-

  by Dawn Friedman