I am parenting one child (age 10) and birthmom to one child (age5). I’d say I have an okay relationship with the placed child and parents. We visit a 4 times a year and there’s some phone and email contact in between.
My 10 year old has stopped participating in phone calls and has expressed that he doesn’t want to go to the next visit. His father doesn’t believe we should force it. His counselor recommends letting him take the lead in the amount of contact he’d like, creating opportunities for contact and letting him choose whether to be involved or not. I tend to lean towards agreeing with them. My other child’s mother has said that if my older child does not come, we can’t have a visit. She says that they value the bond developing between the brothers and feel it’s important. An insecure part of me wonders if she’d prefer he didn’t develop a bond with me or just thinks I’m less important. I would be really sad to skip a visit chance. We’ve never missed one before. When I told her that, she said that he would be sad to not get to see his brother and stressed how important consistency of contact is to them.
Can anyone help me understand his parent’s perspective?