My Husband and I adopted our son 3 years ago. He was pretty much just abandoned at our door step by his parents. Now his parents have moved back into town and my mother-in-law decided it would be ok to let them rent her home which is technically in our back yard! At first I was really ok with this but now it is becoming a problem due to the fact that every time I as much as call him Son they get their feelings hurt and decide to tell my husband or mother-in-law that they need to tell me to keep my mouth shut. Our son is 16 years old and is doing great and everything has been so smooth since we took him in until the past month. I never have tried to make them feel uncomfortable or upset them intentionally but apparantly I have. I feel like it should not offend them that my son and I have a good relationship. Am I wrong for feeling this way? How do I manage to live so close and have them so involved and it still be ok? Please Help Me!
Am I wrong for thinking my son’s birthparents are being unreasonable?
– August 26, 2012Posted in: Community Wisdom
I am feeling like there’s a whole lot missing from the situation that would help us understand what’s going on. When you say “pretty much abandoned” what does that mean? What was your relationship like with him and his parents before he was placed with you? What was it like after but before they moved back? Has he been formally adopted? Were lawyers and social workers involved? What is your mother-in-law’s relationship with them then and now? How does your son feel about them? What kind of relationship does he want to have?
I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. I do not think it appropriate at all that they moved that close to you. You have every right to call your son your son. You not only have a right to have a close relationship, but you SHOULD have a close relationship and they should celebrate and be grateful for it. I don’t understand their expectation .. do they want your son back? Are they expecting that they will be called ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ and you & your husband will not? What does your mother in law & husband say when they are asked to ‘shut you up’? Have you all sat down together (the adults) and talked about expectation and hopes? You all need to be on the same page and obviously are not.
You have every right to have a great relationship with your son – don’t let anyone tell you different.
First of all, for the mental well-being of your son, I think he needs for you to keep showing him the same type of love and devotion as always, even if it makes his biological parents uncomfortable. That’s something they need to deal with. And while we should always be mindful of other people’s discomfort, that’s something they need to work out and get used to because you shouldn’t change. Especially now that they moved near you and not the other way around.
This is a fascinating post. I have an adoption facebook page called Open Adoption, Open Heart where, if you are okay with it, I could post this question and I’m sure would get a lot of feedback. Would that be okay? Russell