How many other Birth mothers out there have had the A parents close the adoption for no reason? This breaks my heart and makes me feel like they told me anything I wanted to hear to get my baby. We agreed to a semi-open adoption and I only received 2 packages containing a few pictures, no update like we agreed to. My daughter is now 13 and I will admit, I have looked at her Facebook page. It is the only way I get to see her. I don’t even think they told her she is adopted like they said they would. She looks like she could be their biological child. The reason I think this is because she has listed her ethnic background on Facebook as Italian/Spanish. In reality, she is half Italian and has the dark hair and darker skin like my husband. Her A parents are of Italian/Spanish origin. I have tried to contact the A parents to no avail, they ignore me. Has anyone else had a similar situation? Does it make you angry and full of regret like me?
When promises are broken to other people feel anger and regret like I do?
– July 5, 2012Posted in: Community Wisdom
Without a doubt. There is a sense of rejection and broken trust for me. When prospective adoptive parents forge a relationship with an expectant mother and befriend us, then pull completely away after the child goes home with them, the betrayal is almost unbearable.
I have no words of wisdom for you, just simply understanding of the hurt. Thankfully my semi-open adoption is still active, but I worry every day that it will close without any reason.
I can only imagine the anger and betrayal that you feel.
I wanted to give you an adoptee’s perspective on the ethnic background. I always knew that I was adopted, and though my adoption was closed, I had some non-identifying background about my birth parents, which included ethnicity.
I have always “claimed” my adoptive families ethnic background as my own, even though it is different from my genetic background. The reason for this is that ethnicity (for me) is more then just who my biological ancestors are, but is also about the food, the music, the stories that make up who my family is.
If I had been raised in my god-mother’s perogie eating, egg decorating Ukranian family, I would have identified myself as Ukranian. But I was raised in a French Canadian, touritier eating, St-Jean do Baptiste day celebrating family, so I consider myself French Canadian.
If I had been raised by my original family I would consider myself of German decent and probably celebrated Oktoberfest every year.
All of this is to say that just because your daughter lists her ethnic background as that of her adoptive family and not yours, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t know that she was adopted.
Andy, thank you for your perspective. It does make sense, and helps a little.
LisaAnne, I am happy to know that there are others that can sympathize. I pray that your semi-open adoption stays active.