We recently heard from our 12 month old son’s first mother for the first time since shortly after his birth. We were thrilled to hear from her and to hear that she loved our letters and pictures. We asked (this is through text messages) if she wanted a visit, and she said she would very much like that. So we excitedly set up a visit for a few weeks later, over Memorial Day weekend. (We live 6 hours away.) Then she texted tonight to say that she was feeling overwhelmed and wanted to postpone the visit.
There are so many things going on for me right now. First I am so sad for her. I’m so sad for my son. I’m so sad for me, because I love her so deeply, and want her to see and enjoy the most delightful boy ever to live.
And then I can’t help but want to push a little. I responded and said I was sorry it was hard, and of course we could postpone the visit, but that she was also free to change her mind back again. I want to write again and say respectfully that if the prospect of a whole weekend packed with visits (we’d stay in a hotel) is too much for her, we’re happy to come down for just one visit in a park or something. Or that maybe we could come down and just visit her dad (who gets our updates, too,) and she could come by if she felt up to it.
My husband thinks maybe our enthusiasm about visits comes across as pushy to her, and I think we both feel so anxious and eager for any contact from her that we’re afraid of any misstep, fearing it will jeopardize future contact…
Anyway, just thought I’d put this out there for some feedback. Should I gently propose alternative visit forms?