I am a “birth grandma” (I hate that title, I feel that I am a real grandmother); I lost my 1st grandchild to adoption. My then-15 year old daughter chose to give her daughter up for adoption. Even though I didn’t agree & it completely broke my heart, I supported my teenager’s decision. I have deep wounds from allowing my own family “to be given away”. We have an open adoption agreement with the new parents & we are able to see our little granddaughter twice a year. They are great people, & yes, I found & chose them. My little SugarBug turned 2 just a few days ago, & I find myself waiting (again) for any news or pictures from her birthday. No, we aren’t invited to any of their family gatherings, but we do get to visit our granddaughter at their home. I feel robbed. I can’t seem to let go, or at least get used to the fact that I will always be a “distance” grandparent (even though we only live about 1 hour away from our granddaughter). I spent almost 1 year after “R” was born crying about 2-3 hours a day & I basically stopped living. I am a little better now with coping with the situation, but I still feel intense pain over the loss of my sweet little grandgirl. I wish I could get over this, & I wait for the day, which will be years & years from now, that I will see my granddaughter walk thru my front door & say “Hi Grandma!”. Any advice? I hurt so bad & miss this part of my family every day.
– October 7, 2011Posted in: Community Wisdom