Question for Birth Moms – Assuming you are no longer in a relationship with the birth father of your child, how would you feel if the adoptive parents told you they didn’t want their child spending time with your significant other (even if you are now married). As an adoptive parent, I have not been faced with this dilemma yet but in talking to other adoptive parents who love their child’s birth mom, they have decided to only allow contact with her and not with her new husband. Their reasoning is that they want their child to build a relationship with her birth mom without complicating it with other people (they don’t have a particular issue with the new husband, they just want to focus on the birth mom right now). They only see the birth mom once a year for a few hours so they don’t want to have to share that time with her new husband or to explain who he is, etc., to their daughter. They have decided they will allow him to come if their daughter ever asks the birth mom whether she is married and if she expresses a desire to meet him. I don’t know how we’ll proceed when our child’s birth mom is married and wanted to get thoughts from birth moms. I get my friend’s reasoning but could also see how this could be perceived negatively by birth aprents.
A question for birth mothers, would you be offended if your non-birth parent significant other wasn’t allowed to be part of the open adoption?
– September 28, 2011Posted in: Community Wisdom