Does anyone else have issues with the movies being released, that have adoption themes. We took our 3 year old to see tangled, dispicable me, and Kung fu panda 2. The first and second movies portrayed the adoptive family in a bad light, the last the birth family. I am fine with movies that have an adoption theme, but why do they need to add lines like “your family didn’t love you so they gave you away” ect? When we do go we address any questions she has, but I wish they would look at what they are saying.
Does anyone else have issues with the movies being released that have adoption themes?
– May 31, 2011Posted in:
I have a post in draft about Kung Fu Panda 2. While all of the reviews say that it “portrays adoption in a nice light,” I have to be careful that they’re not just referring to the adoptive family being portrayed nicely. I have to be careful with how the birth family is being portrayed because my parented sons ARE the birth family.
Tangled I had less of an issue with as Rapunzel has been around for eons.
My kids have not yet seen and won’t see Despicable Me just yet. I took big heat on BlogHer for saying that I wasn’t letting my kids see the movie.
I always research themes BEFORE the theater. My oldest son can’t handle some of these things right now.
I had no problem at all with Kung Fu Panda 2. I think they did a great job. I think it will open up conversations about searching for birth family if there is no contact. I don’t think the birth family was portrayed poorly except by the bad guy so I would think kids would be okay with that.
Here is my review of this movie in detail sharing the adoption theme.
http://alwaysandforeverfamily.blogspot.com/2011/05/kung-fu-panda-2.html
I also had no problem with Tangled but I did not like Despicable Me.
My daughter is 3 as well and she loves Tangled. She’s not asking any kinds of questions yet though. What questions does your child ask?
If you know there is an adoption theme it’s always good to watch it before our kids.
My daughter asks questions as they come up in the movie. She will say things like “Why do birthfamilies not love or want their babies, why does Po not love his dad, why are adoptive families mean, do people send their babies back, ect” That is just a few of the questions she has asked. I think going to the movie ahead is a good idea. We have just started taking her to movies and I have now learned my lesson. We talk a lot about adoption, but the movies seem to confuse her. I’m sure it is just her age(3) and she is processing things in her own way. Thank you for your advice.
I watched Tangled with my kids (5 and almost 3). At the end, my son said, “Oh, now she’s going to go live with her other mommy because her other one was mean.” I had this panic that he was thinking I was the mean mommy who kidnapped him from his first mommy. I talked to his first mommy about it and she had a panic of fear that he thought she was the mean mommy. So we both kind of panicked. I will say that it was a good week to bring out the photo albums and talk about birth stories and then we had all the first mommas over for Birthmother’s Day–so it was good to be able to have that “in person” contact! We haven’t seen Kung Fu Panda and probably won’t. I haven’t had opportunity to see Despicable Me….The name kind of didn’t lead me to it. My kiddos seem unsure of themselves sometimes and I certainly don’t want them to think they are despicable. I have no clue of the story line. We don’t do movies in the theater yet–too over stimulating–and expensive! And we would probably miss half of it for potty breaks. Maybe in a few years. :0)
I don’t know if I have issues in the movies in particular because they are a reflection of the way our culture projects adoption and THAT I do have issue with. The movies themselves, well, I don’t like being surprised by them (hate when we’re watching a regular old family-friendly television show and BOOM! we’re suddenly processing adoption) but they’re learning opportunities, that’s for sure. When I know there’s an adoption theme I talk about them with my kids (only my daughter is adopted but we talk a lot about looking at media through critical eyes) beforehand and then ask them afterwards what they thought. Because the truth is this is what a lot of people think about adoption and this is what my daughter will have to contend with. Not every movie can be as great as Elf (late-discovery adoptee notwithstanding), you know?
I’ve thought about this about books, too, because some of my favorite books as a kid are about adoption (Mandy, The Little Princess) and my favorite musical growing up was Annie! I’ll admit they’re not top of my list anymore because what I knew about adoption at ten and what I know about it now are pretty different but we still have them on our shelves and on our CD player and we talk talk talk talk about it.
It helps, too, that we have friends whose adoption experiences are different so we can talk about them not just through the lens of Madison’s adoption but also through the lens of other friends (for example, Madison never spent time in an orphange but other friends have so we talk about how their experience of Annie might be different than Madison’s and how we need to make room for other people’s experiences, too).
Now for a three-year old? Yeah, little kids aren’t developmentally ready for some of these conversations but they will be and you can head to the movies then primed for the conversation.