My husband and I adopted our son at birth almost a year ago. Before our son’s birth, we all agreed that we wanted to maintain some form of openness but what that would look like was never discussed (we went through a private attorney so the support was not there). Since our son’s birth, we have visited with our son’s birth mom on three occassions (all at her request and two were in the first month post-placement), and we also have sent photos once (through the lawyer) also at her
request. For a variety of reasons, although we sometimes (maybe every two months) communicate directly through email and plan visits this way, we have decided it is best that she request photos directly through the lawyer.
The last time she requested photos was in September. We have seen her once since then and I reminded her that I have lots of holiday photos and that all she needs to do is ask the lawyer for them and I’ll send them to her. In several email exchanges, she has mentioned in passing that the next day she is going to call the lawyer for photos but it never happens.
As mother’s day/our son’s first birthday approaches, I would like to do something nice to honor her and let her know we think of her often. I was thinking of sending her a nice letter and maybe a photo gift with our son’s picture on it. That being said, I understand it might be painful for her to receive photos/updates and that may be the reason she has never actually called the lawyer to request more photos. We have always said we would take our cue from her (and that if she wants visits, photos, etc., she just needs to ask). So I don’t want to send something if she is not ready to receive it but I also don’t want her to think that we have forgotten about her during this special time of year. Advice from birth moms and adoptive parent’s would be appreciated. As an additional note, our she is very young and not very open about her feelings (there was never a tear at the hospital and I was with her the entire time from birth to placement).