Can somebody tell me where I can find the studies that say open adoption is best for the child? My husband & I are adoptive parents who recently sought professional counsel as we were struggling with our birthfamily relationships. The counsellor cited the ‘confusion theory’ and said we should close contact. I would like to present the other side of the story but whenever I look for these studies about open adoption, all I find is one study done in the 90′s with 20 families. Certainly there are more than that!
Can somebody tell me where I can find the studies that say open adoption is best for the child?
– February 8, 2011Posted in: Community Wisdom
Argh, that is so frustrating!!! May I suggest that you not waste too much time trying to educate the counselor and instead start looking for someone who — even if s/he doesn’t know all that much — is more open to the idea?
The Minnesota-Texas Adoption Research Project is a long term study looking at how openness impacts families and individuals across the life span. You can find it here:
http://www.cehd.umn.edu/fsos/Centers/mtarp/
Here’s a direct link to key findings for adoptees (confusion is not an issue):
http://www.cehd.umn.edu/fsos/Centers/mtarp/keyfindings/keyFindOutChild.asp#details
I’d also grab a copy of Micky Duxbury’s Making Room in Our Hearts. Micky is a therapist AND an adoptive mom whose daughter is living an open adoption. She knows whereof she writes and her book is WONDERFUL! Here’s a direct link to her book page:
http://mickyduxbury.com/book.html
You can also spend some time on the Evan B. Donaldson Institute research database page doing some searching:
http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/research/ressea.html
out of interest, what evidence does (s)he have for the ‘confusion theory’? I think every kid is confused about something, I know I was. That’s what growing up is about: sorting out your world and understanding how it works. On the flip side, I think most kids assume their family situation is normal, too.
Not that that helps as it isn’t evidence either!
As an adoptee, I would second the importance of checking out the thorough research provided by the Evan Donaldson Institute. It’s run by Adam Pertman, a Pulitzer Prize nominee and author of Adoption Nation. The research and findings of the institute are quite extensive and persuasive and directly address this point. You may find it interesting to note that he is an adoptive parent, so he understands your concerns. He spoke to the same international conference on adoption as I did. He’s a superb resource.
That happened with us five years ago with our first child. The counselor said the same thing–and I struggled with his advice. I just wanted someone to help us figure out how to work with the differences–not tell us to stop contact. Would he have told us to cut off contact if it was a family member–(I consider them family. . . but the rest of the world evidently doesn’t)? We decided to follow our hearts and not cut off contact. Things are going really well. There have been bumps in the road and we have had to reset some boundaries and guidelines–but life happens. We have to continuously change boundaries, rules and guidelines with our children as they grow and their abilities change. I’ve worked with a lot of kids throughout my life. I have found that secrets are what seems to be the most damaging. The things I want to always show my children are honesty, truth, honor, love, forgiveness, integrity, care, empathy, and that families stick together and help each other. I have failed myself and my children and their birth families many times in this open relationship stuff–but I’m never going to give up. We all have to overcome difficult situations–I just want my children to be comfortable enough to come talk to us when they feel they are facing anything that seems difficult to them. If I’m going to keep secrets from them, then I fear they will keep secrets from me.
AND yes, there are super super super difficult situations that are out there that aren’t easy–or may even warrant closing contact. BUT, I think if you are looking for research on openness–you are probably wanting to continue with an open relationship. You maybe just want some help in facilitating the relationship in a healthy manner. When you find a good counselor–let the world know! ;0)
Personally, I never take advise from anyone who does not name a source (other than themselves) for said advise.
Because people who just randomly tell you what to do in such simple terms should be ignored completely, even if they are supposed to be ‘experts’ in what they are talking about.
What bugs me the most about people who say ‘close the adoption because it’s confusing your child’ seem to be kind of coming up with that ‘theory’ on their own.
There are TONS of studies about Open Adoption and how good it can be.
Where are these studies that show that closed adoption works??
Where are people who say ‘it confuses the child’ getting that from??
Really, what proof do they have and how do they have it??
If you were to google Open adoption case studies, I am sure you would find more than 100 results, if not more.