Our children’s birth mother has two older children who live with their grandmother (birth mother’s mother). They have always lived with their grandmother and sometimes their mother has lived with them, but most of the time she is constantly moving about the country. Unfortunately, she is extremely unstable and unlikely to become stable in the foreseeable future.
Because of a series of actions that I know only a little about, the grandmother has placed a restraining order against her daughter and will not allow her to see her children. She is currently working through the court system and has been named as guardian of her grandchildren. The grandmother is trying to have her daughter’s parental rights permanently terminated. She has also changed her telephone and e-mail address and does not want her daughter to be able to contact her except through her lawyer.
We are in an open adoption relationship with both our children’s birthmother and their grandmother (and the half siblings). Both have told me briefly about their version of events and both seem to want us to be on “their side.” I have told both that their relationship with each other has nothing to do with each of their relationships with us and that I do not want to be in the middle. I am refusing to “pick a side.”
This past week the birth mother called to ask us for her mother’s contact information. I said I could not give that to her. She next asked if we had received any new photos of her older children as she hasn’t even seen a picture in more than a year. She would like us to scan any photos and send to her.
I’m not comfortable doing that because I don’t know what is going on between them and I do not wish to know any more than I already do. I do not know if sending her photos would be a huge problem or not. I have e-mailed the grandmother to ask if that would be acceptable, but she has not yet replied.
I also do not want to alienate either of them as I’m doing everything I can to maintain a relationship for my children’s sake.
I feel as if I am being pushed into the middle and do not want to be here. Any suggestions?