First, let me say that my DD has an amazing birthfamily and they have truly given us so much more of a relationship than I ever dreamed we could have. We love them and want them to be involved in DD’s life as much as possible. We have done many, many day trips and other visits and they have gone 98% well.
Having said that, I am also a little freaked out, since this upcoming visit will be the longest we have ever done (several days). DD just turned one and they (birthmom and birthgrandparents) are coming for a visit. They are staying at a hotel, so that part is okay, but I am so nervous about the awkward silences. I know that there is still a lot of grief involved for them and I know that birthmom wouldn’t have chosen any other family than us, but it is so hard to know what to say sometimes. All of us are still second-guessing ourselves. Even ordering pizza gets overly complicated. I end up completely drained after just a few hours and I need to be able to entertain for several days. Any ideas or tips. Games to play? Things to do? What do you all do? I’ll take any advice! Thanks 
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I’m an adoptive parent and we’ve had several longer visits now. They’ve been hugely helpful in us adults getting to know each other better and becoming more comfortable with one another. Just to encourage you a little! I know I was SO nervous before the first couple of visits. But I’m really glad we’ve done them.
One thing I wouldn’t suggest with a one-year old doing much siteseeing. They’re coming to see her (and you) after all. I know I love it as a parent to see that wonderful kiddie joy on their faces. So we try to do lots regular things that the kids really enjoy, to give their first parents a chance to see that joy, too. We’ve gone to favorite parks and swimming spots, done story time at the library, ridden the carousel, visited the donut shop, been apple picking. We’ve also gone to have the kids’ photos taken with their first parents. Plus lots of just swinging in the yard and playing at home. After the kids’ bedtime we often watch a movie or just talk. We mostly talk about things that have nothing to do with adoption, just regular conversation. I think that’s helped us all feel safer talking about some the harder things when they do come up.
It can be really draining for me, too. It’s important to schedule in some time for yourself during the visit to recharge, whether that’s meeting a friend for coffee or even just going on an errand. Whatever helps you feel restored. I bet the fact that they’re at a hotel will help with that. If you’re comfortable with it, it can be a way to give them some time alone with her, too. Having another OA parent I know I can email during the visit helps, too.
Good luck–I hope it’s a wonderful visit! Be sure to tell us how it goes!
If they’re staying in a hotel, most of your worry should be alleviated. Awkward silences are only awkward if you make them that way. Much can be learned about people by how they respond to silence. Similarly, children have a way of filling silence. Allowing the conversation to pause so that the birth family members can play/bond with your child is a good thing!
I was thinking the same thing as Jenna–just let the silence be okay. Our children’s birthparents have said that they most enjoyed just hanging out on the floor at our house and watching them play and to be able to play with them. Although. . . none of us never have nothing to say. In fact, nobody ever shuts up and our visits go way into the wee late hours of the night. I love every minute of it!!!
They love to see them in their home, their room, their favorite spots. You’ll be fine! Silence is good! I wish there was some in our house! haha!
Walking the mall is a great activity. Of course with your daughter only being one she might not enjoy it so much. But we did a long visit when our daughter was 6 months and we walked the mall and her birthmom was able to carry her all she wanted. Woke up the next day wondering why her arms were sore.
That first extended visit was awkward for the reasons you mentioned. But we just had another long visit and it was so nice. None of us wanted it to end. I’m a scheduler so I had a basic idea of how I wanted it to work before we went. We did dinner out each night. Went to one of those science places for kids for her to run around and get her hands on things. Walked the mall and played in the play area. We would have done the zoo instead if it were warmer. We also hung out at the hotel and their house.
They’re coming over for our daughter’s birthday next month and we plan on doing portraits with her and her birthmom. She’s (birthmom) very excited about it.