My husband and I are waiting to adopt our second child. With our first adoption I did not breastfeed, I am considering breastfeeding our second child. I am curious how it worked out for anyone who has done it. Plus I would like to know how a birthmom would feel about it?
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It really depends on the birthmom. I know several who have very strong feelings on both sides of the aisle.
It is something I would suggest discussing somewhat early in conversation with a potential match- I realize it’s a personal parenting decision (and I certainly wouldn’t suggest that you should absolutely discuss every parenting decision with a potential birthmom) but a lot of women considering placing their children for adoption don’t realize this is even a possibility, and for many, it’s something that would definitely take some getting used to… more so than baby wearing or Ferber method or pureeing your own veggies would. And, if it’s going to be an open adoption, she’ll probably find out at some point- someone will make a comment or she’ll see a picture or something else… and if it’s something she needs time to adjust to, I could see it causing a bit of a (completely avoidable) rift in the relationship for awhile.
Also, if you discuss it, she might be willing to help out by either nursing or finger feeding at the hospital (or letting you start nursing if it’s allowed at your hospital and she’s comfortable with it) to avoid nipple confusion.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
I agree with Britney.
Personally, I will always regret that I did not have an opportunity to breastfeed my son. I had lots of time to hold him, but noone to help me breastfeed him. I was never alone with my son long enough to learn how to do it.
I personally think that it might be weird. That’s just me though.
As I breastfed my son while we were in the hospital, I would have found it extremely weird if his Amom had taken him home and breastfed him herself. I also kind of feel like breastfeeding while in the hospital is the one act of motherhood us bmoms can experience before we relinquish our child. I personally disagree with amoms breastfeeding, though I know there are bmoms out there who are completely fine with it and actually desire their childs amom to do it for bonding reasons. It’s different for everyone, so when you get matched with someone, just ask their opinion on it. If she says no, don’t let it hurt your feelings. Just respect her opinion and focus on enjoying the new baby and building your relationship with the bfamily. Remember, you get to do all of the other mom stuff that she doesn’t. Plus you can always do baby wearing and skin on skin, etc.
good luck
I don’t think I would have been bothered by it but I would have wanted to know ahead of time. As a previous poster mentioned, there are things the first mom can do in the hospital to make breastfeeding easier (either nursing herself or finger feeding, forbidding the use of pacifiers). I would have wanted to know so that I could do those things. Because I believe that human milk is best for human babies. If I knew my child’s mom planned to nurse, I would have wanted to do what I could to make that easier. AND…I also would have wanted reassurances that she was healthy and had discussed it with her doctor…
I know a first mom personally (I don’t know if she’s on here) who nursed her child in the hospital and pumped for the baby for abotu 6 months or so. The a-mom used a supplemental nursing system to feed the baby. And then when she (first mom) wanted to be done but baby wasn’t switching to formula well, she pumped for a bit longer while the mom got lactation established.
As an adult adoptee I personally don’t agree with adoptive mothers breastfeeding.
I am an adoptive mom who is currently breastfeeding and it has gone very well. We were matched with our birth mom fairly early in her pregnancy and breastfeeding was something I was considering. At some point during the match bmom brought up that she was planning to breastfeed in the hospital and I brought up that I was considering breastfeeding as well because I felt that being able to breastfeed would facilitate bonding between myself and our son as well as provide nutritional benefits to him.
Whenever we get together with her, he is always bottle fed. That was her request and I can totally understand and respect that.
Good luck! It has been an amazing experience for our family!
For me personally, as an adoptive mom, it would seem strange to do. Although. . . I’m not sure I would have been the kind of person to breast feed anyway if I had a biological child. I know there are some families who strongly feel that breast milk is the only way. I would be willing to bet that part of the reason people are “matched” is because of their common views–so talking to each other before the baby is born might be the best thing. I think somebody said it above–maybe birthmomma would want to pump her breast milk for the baby. None of our adoption situations offered opportunity for this, but if our children’s first mommas said they wanted to pump milk for us I would have gladly accepted. If it is something that first mom is totally against or totally for. . . then I think she should inquire the adoptive parents to be since I’m not so sure an adoptive parent is going to outright share their plans of doing this.
I’m a soon to be amom, haven’t been matched yet. My husbands on the fence about abf, he is worried that I will think of it as forgetting that we adopted. But I have been talking about the benifets of bfing. He doesn’t mind me inducing without hormones. But I am wanting to use the Numan Goldfarb protocols, I know someone that used it for a seragate baby and it really worked for her she only had to supplement for about two months after baby was born.