We have an open adoption, our agency encouraged it and gave us some education…every year I send a letter and pictures to my daughter’s birthmother. We also buy her birthsisters Christmas gifts. We have always told my daughter the story of her adoption since she was a baby. The problem is, now age 7, my daughter has recently become very interested in meeting her birthsisters. We arranged a meeting but the birth family canceled at the last minute and it seems that another meeting will not be possible for a very long time as her birthsistesr live in a different city. The last meeting we almost arranged was about four years ago, and it was also canceled at the last minute. I do see the birth grandma about once a year, however. At any rate, I feel like I have made a big mistake talking about my daughter’s birthmother as much as I have. I don’t want my daughter to feel rejected…what should I do now? How do I explain to my daughter that her birthmother loves her but does not want to or cannot see her?
How do I explain that her birth mom can’t or won’t see her?
– January 18, 2010Posted in: Community Wisdom
i connected through twitter. This breaks my heart, your concerns are completely valid. Who knows what’s going on with the birth family, blessing upon your head for trying, you’ve taught your daughter so many things. As hard as it is to take the adoption aspect out of it, we as parents can only protect our children from so many heartaches in this life and others will still filter through. This is where they build character and we are able to teach. Even if this wasn’t her birth family, it would still hurt. Remind her that you don’t know all the details as to why they’ve cancelled and when she’s ready another meeting could be arranged, as hard as it will be it will be her timing she will know better then anyone when she’s ready. I do it with my 9 yr old, her dad doesn’t switch visitations for the life of her, I let her know that she has already been told no if she doesn’t ask and to remember that we can’t control others that he has the agency to say no and it’s ok if she’s sad but she asked and tried. I can’t imagine not wanting or cancelling a visit with my birth daughter I placed 2.5 yrs ago. Best wishes, thank you for letting me share.
My twitter name is new, was suppose to have 2 Z’s.