where do i begin,, late on christmas my sons bmom slept over..all went well. The next day we went shopping with myself , her and all my kids. In macys, while i was purchasing a gift..she apparently stole a necklace that said Mother and later gave it to me! I didnt know she stole it until my 15year old told me when we got home,,,she said mom i have to tell you…K stole that necklace. I told her not to but she did..and the christmas presents she got kris ,,,she stole too! WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I SAY!!! Do i confront her,, let it go,,,im hurt,,im mad,, ive TRUSTED her in my home with MY children!!!
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after reading the question i posted..i should add..she told my daughter,,,ill plop it in your moms purse..when we get in car take it out! can u imagine if the alarm went off?? Id be Arrested..our open adoption called for 4 visits a year..ive given sooo much more..now wondering,,,should i go bak to JUST the 4 visits? I cant have this around my kids!!
I’ve never understood why people steal, honestly… what is going on in a persons mind who steal???
I think you should confront her, to my view she is fairly asking to be caught!!
I think 4 visits is very very very generous, I have never acted in the manner you are describing and my sons adoptive family only allow me one or two visits a year!! Never mind sleep overs and such!!
From what I have learned because I work in a retail store, people who steal can usually afford to buy whatever they are stealing, they just want to get away with doing it…I would totally make her face the consiquences of her actions, if I could.
If she is going to steal in front of your kids…so blatently…she obviously is a negative influence. I would tell her that that behavior is ABSOLUTELY unacceptable and that there will be NO VISITS if she continues it. You might also want to contact the attorney who handled your adoption to back that up in writing.
well we adopted through dcf… so basically open isnt enforceable. she lost parental rights over a year ago.. i gave her Sooooo
many chances by involving her…but the blatent indescressions that shes doing isnt acceptable. I will write a letter to the court this
week listing the unacceptable behaviors shes doing,, just to be safe.. i will send pics and letters but i think right now physical
contact has to be stopped!
@melissa, I think this sounds more extreme than you need to do. I think you can set up different visitation rules that are hard and fast but don’t cut out contact completely. She should have to live with the consequences of her stealing, absolutely but I think that shutting visits down will just be hard on your kids and hurt the relationship that you DO have. I personally would say that I would only do visits under XYZ circumstances (at a McDonald’s play space or a park or someplace where it’s very neutral, nothing to steal). Why is the court still involved if her rights are already terminated and you’ve already adopted? Or is this a foster placement?
I agree with Dawn, visits someplace where there is nothing to steal.
no our adoption finalized over 2 years ago…BUT if i WERE to stop visits..i would forward letter to the attorney who finalized adoption just to have it on record as to why.
I was speakin in haste…i will still allow visist..but they will be ONLY 4 times a year for 1 hr like I agreed upon at the time of adoption! No more,,,no less.
Until she proves shes changed,,she will have limited contact! I gave her soo many chances,,allowed her time with family,, chiristmas..birthdays so much more than she should have had with her behavior.
@melissa, Just remember that the openness is about your kids first and foremost and not about rewarding or punishing her. Of course BECAUSE it’s about your kids, you need to protect them when her behaviors are a threat to them, which is why I think it’s definitely important that you limit some of her freedom on visits. But it’s not HER that deserves the chances; it’s your kids. If THEY are threatened by her appearance at holidays or birthdays then by all means limit them but if you’re just angry with her, don’t make decisions based on that anger, you know?
It’s so easy to see openness as something that birth parents have to earn but I think we need to remember that what’s best for our kids has to be first and foremost. That means not “giving in” when we feel bad for a parent who has been unsafe but it also means not “punishing” a parent if you can find a way to keep them a part of your kids’ lives.
I would also be 100% clear with her about WHY you’re setting up limits so that she is held accountable for her decisions but be clear it’s not about punishing her — it’s about holding her accountable. It’s an important difference, I think.
i agree..by letting her know i know she stole..thats putting my oldest daughter in a hard spot. I have to be very careful
how i put things.