I’m struggling. In a couple of weeks it will be one year since I have heard anything from my son’s birthmom. I email her monthly updates and load pictures to our flickr site. Earlier this week he hit 22 months old and I still haven’t not written this month’s letter. It’s been about 6 weeks since I uploaded any pictures.
Each month the letters are getting harder and harder to sit down and write. Does she even read them? They take me a couple of hours (with a full time job and an active toddler those hours of time to sit and write are precious and hard to come by)and I’m feeling like it’s wasted time. It’s easy to tell my friends and family what he’s been doing because, gee, they ask and let me know they are interested.
I’m fully committed to my promise of frequent updates to her. I print my letters and file them away for my son to have one day – I guess as my version of his baby book. That’s the only thing keeping me going right now. I don’t want to have to explain a missing month to him.
I guess I just need some reassurance and encouragement that I need to accept this completely one-sided relationship as is. How do others stay enthusiastic?
Related posts:
I hear ya! It will be 2 years since we’ve heard from my son’s mother.
It is hard to write when you know there won’t be a response. What helps me is I know that I’m keeping a copy of the letters that I send and putting them in a book for my son. So he ends up with a keepsake of his life and can also see that we kept up our side and kept the communication going.
Another strategy is to sit down and write the letter without thinking about who you are writing to, it could be to your mother, a friend or anyone…. and just write about your son and all the great things he’s doing. Then add the Dear XXX when you are finished.
Hang in there!
I also understand, we have not had any contact since the birth. I knew that the birthmom did not want to contact us, that she felt it would be too hard. So each time I write a letter I keep that in mind. My daughter is only 22 months old and so when I write the letters I talk to her about her birthmom and use it as an opportunity to discuss things. Sometimes it’s only about what I’m writting. I will ask her if she thinks her birthmom will be happy about new things she is doing or proud of how smart she is getting. I always hope the letters are nice to receive and I am doing a good job letting her know everything.