Part of our OA agreement was that we would send our son’s first mom letters twice a year with updates and pictures. When he was a baby this was much easier as he hit new milestones and grew there seemed to be so much to talk about.
But now that he is 7 everything sounds so repetative. I just re-read the letter I wrote last summer and it sound exactly like what I would write today: He’s in summer camp, did well at school, plays soccer, went to visit Grandma and Grandpa.
Any suggestions? What do first moms want to hear? Is the mundane and the repeated okay? I try to include funny stories or something exciting that he did, but it’s still hard.
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Maybe he would want to write a letter to her and tell her what he’s doing. I’m sure she would treasure that more then anything.
I agree that maybe he could write her a letter or even draw her a picture or make something for her, that would be very special. As a first mom (or birth mom, whichever you prefer), I treasure every single detail my daughter’s parents give me. Even if it’s the same thing over and over. Things that may seem mundane to them mean the world to me. I especially like hearing her reactions to stuff. Like “she went here and did this and this is what she thought about it” Anything that provides insight into her world.
What about a little “interview” with your son? Things that are likely to change from year to year at that age- favorite movie, tv show, something he learned at school that year, etc. I think something like that would be neat for her/you/him to have and look back on the comparisons from year to year. Then you can fill her in on the basics. I think it would be sweet to have something from his perspective in addition to your regular letter.
Thanks for the great feedback! i love the interview idea. I may even steal a meme from somewhere to give me a starting point.
I like the interview idea as well – bookmarking that idea for later. I do a monthly letter and even though my son is still pretty young (20 months old) some months are difficult. Yep, his favorite game is still hide-and-seek, same as last month.
I’ve gotten into the habit of leaving myself post-it notes during the month so that when I sit down to write my letter I’ve got something to refer back to. Otherwise, it all just blends together in my mind and I either draw a complete blank or I come up with tons of details, but not from the current month. I also then have some specific “stories” to tell her that really reflect his ever blooming personality and not just broad generalizations.
I agree with the other posters.
General updates like ‘did well at school’ really bug me because I know there is so much more to that that just ‘did well’.
What did he learn?? What did he LIKE learning?? What made him like it??
First parents want to know what you take for granted. Your child’s personality, the things that make you love him the most, the things that make him, *himself*!!!
Personally, I wish I could know what my son ate for breakfast, what every word and action he did during every moment he is breathing. That, of course, is impossible, not even an active adoptive parent would know EVERYTHING.
Just keep in mind, details matter, no matter how you might think they would be boring, to a first parent who doesn’t yet know of these ‘boring’ details they are EVERYTHING that matters!!!
Think about what you call your Mom about. What you gush to your sister or best friend about. In those proud mama moments, maybe jot them down to share with your sons first Mom at update time.
I also think the interview idea is great, as well as including something he wrote/drew. Those would be such cherished peices for me!
Details. What did he do when he visited Grandma and Grandpa? What’s his favorite color? Dessert? Cartoon character? Superhero? Why? What position does he play on his soccer team? Why? What does he like about soccer? What was his favorite subject in school last year? What funny/insightful/sweet thing has he said recently? Did he have any cavities at the dentist last time? How did he do when they filled them? How does he react to various experiences–meeting new people, going new places? Where was your last family vacation, what did you do, and what was his favorite part of it? What’s his morning routine–does he jump out of bed excited about the day, or does he wake up slowly, hide under the covers, take a long time to wake up? What does he like to do in his apare time and why? What is his best friend’s name? What do they do together? Has he had a crush on any little girl yet? What one outfit does he want to wear over and over? What’s he like when he gets mad? Sad? Is he shy or outgoing? Quiet or a talker? What’s he scared of? What’s he done recently that he is proud of?
I keep a book for journaling in my purse and when my daughter does anything I write it down with all the little details. If I don’t journal the items I forget all the little things that happened. When I go to do my 3 month letter all the information is there. I then try to decide what I really think what L wants to hear. I also make a note where I left off so I can start right where I left off.