I am 13 years old and I recently found my real family online I love them so much and they love me. It is a closed adoption and my adpted parents forbid me but I want to know my sister and brothers and family. Will i get them in trouble if I keep talking to them?
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Kiddo – there is so much of your story we don’t know – you stated that your adoptive parents forbid you to have contact and my first reaction to that is to ask why that is. Do they have a legitimate reason why you shouldn’t have contact with them? Has there be some issues in the past? Were there safety concerns that we don’t know about?
While, legally, there isn’t much they can do in the way of getting them in trouble – you are a minor and it’s very possible that they could seek some type of restraining order against your birth parents, if there are legitimate safety concerns.
I urge you to be open and honest with your parents about your contact. Try to remain calm and mature about it and try to explain to them why you feel it’s important for you to have contact at this time.
I hope you’ll share more about why your parents are so adamant about your contact. Most of all, I hope you’ll be safe and I hope you’ll share your thoughts with your parents – they should be there to support you during this very emotional time.
hi
I can only imagine your desire to want to meet and have a relatioship with your birth family. since you are young, I don’t want to seem like I am not acknowledging your feelings but I would urge you to reconsider using the term “Real” regarding family. Your adoptive family and your birth family are both parts of you, and they are both real.
Do you think your (adoptive) parents would be open to counseling where you talk about your desire to meet your birth family? I think you might find that having your parents there to help you deal with this big event in your life will be helpful.
I have a cousin who was adopted by her biological mother’s husband and never really told anything about her biological father. One of the things that I have noticed over the years is that she feels she can’t talk about or ask about her biological father because her mother shut down the discussion when my cousin was about eight years old. I’ve always wondered if her mother meant to close off communication forever or just right then. Hopefully your parents can change their position on this issue….
Your situation sounds similiar to that of my natural daughter’s. We have been in contact with her over a year and there is much love between all of us. Will you get in trouble? This depends on your adoptive parents response to your connection with your natural family.
We encouraged our daughter to allow us to ask her adoptive parents for contact. We did this as planned and it did not go well. Her adoptive parents are angry with her and punish her for all contact with us. So you have to decide if it is worth being punished over if things don’t go well.
I feel really sad for my daughter who really thought her adoptive family would allow her contact with us. She still contacts us all the time but she is grounded because of it.