I was adopted in a supposedly OPEN adoption, but have never heard much about my mother. I started to search online and I believe I have found her. I am thirteen. My mom just got married and if I wait she might have kids and it could be too late. When do I attempt contact.
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You should go ahead and contact her. You will never know what will happen unless you try. Most first mom’s want their placed children to contact them. I think your first mom probably thinks of you everyday and longs for the day you can contact her.
Do your adoptive parents know you found her?
What happened to cease contact?
I know this is a hard situation for you. I am the biological father of a 13 year old girl and I know how much she wants to understand her biological parents and the story of her adoption.
What do your parents think about your contact with her? I only ask because it’s very difficult to provide any advice to you without knowing anything about your biological mom, and the people who know most about her in your life right now are your parents. Many adopted kids have had good experiences in their relationships with their biological parents, but, unfortunately, some don’t. Whatever the reasons are that you haven’t had contact with your bio mom, you shouldn’t try and figure all of this out on your own.
And don’t worry about it being ‘too late’ later on. If you do reconnect with your bio mom, it should be at the right time and under the right circumstances, and I really think your parents can help you with that. I don’t think that your mom having kids would necessarily change things in a way that means you would lose your chances of contacting her. Sometimes parents who placed a child for adoption and then have their own children later in life are MORE interested in reconnected with their adopted child!
I’m sorry that you are struggling with this – it must be frustrating. Talk this out with your parents, though, and hopefully things will be clearer for you. If you haven’t talked about this with them yet, try and let them know how this feels and why it’s important to you. They may be waiting for an indication that you want to understand more about your adoption story and might share more with you about it.
I agree with you 100% that is the best thing this young girl could do. I have a little girl I placed for open adoption in 1995, she is a great girl. Every situation so different and nobody can tell this young girl to do with out knowing the circumstances. We have been stuggling with a few issues recently and my birth daughter isnt ready for the truth, although she believes she is. It will only hurt her right now as she is not mature enough to handle the truth. So without knowing whats the story is it is best you discuss this with your adoptive parents and then proceed forward.
Good luck. ANd remember it is NEVER to late to reconnect but it could be too soon.