I don’t know if the Baby’s parents read here. They might. (Hi J!) She reads my blog so she probably already knows I’m a confused mess so here goes.
We’ve been invited to “The Baby’s” first birthday party. FDad may or may not come depending on his work schedule. I am probaby going…even though it’s going to be a huge scary intimidating gathering (probably over 50 people), wild horses couldn’t keep me away. I am not at all good in big groups of strangers but I survived their Thanksgiving so I’ll survive this too.
My older daughter (Munchkin) is 7 and still wants nothing to do with “the Baby.” She acknowledges that the Baby is biologically her sister and is just not interested right now in her or any babies at all. Baby C’s parents I think are a little put out that Munchkin isn’t interested. At previous visits, I’ve told Munchkin that I was going and invited her along. She refused and stayed with her grandparents instead. She doesn’t protest that I’m going but just doesn’t want to go along.
This past year, I haven’t really pushed her…but at what point should I push her? Should I insist that she come to this first birthday party? Or ask her to come to a quieter more low-key visit this spring? I start thinking – enough already! …that she should be at visits. But why? One minute I’m saying that she’s a person and defending her right to make any choices she wants unless they directly harm her and the next I’m thinking abotu forcing contact with her bio-sibling whether she wants to or not. I usually try to pull adoption out of the equation (if it was an extended family member, would I do this?) and using that guide, I would nto force munchkin to be in contact if she didn’t want to…but this IS adoption….
Is it right to force contact when the only sibling who can tell us how she feels doesn’t want to visit?