Do adoptive moms ever regret parenting?
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Do adoptive moms ever regret parenting?
– September 29, 2008Posted in: Community Wisdom
Our Beliefs
- We honor the connection adoptees have to both of their families.
- We recognize the love and joy as well as the losses and grief of adoption.
- We do not diminish one family in favor of another.
- We are flexible, understanding that needs and circumstances change.
- We set boundaries on the basis of what is best for our children.
- We understand that open adoption looks like different things for different families.
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I’m sure some do. I don’t
I’m sure some do. I don’t know much about the rates of adoption disruption (when an adoption is “undone”) but I do know that they’re higher in international adoption and foster-to-adopt in part because parents get in over their heads and aren’t adequately prepared for the special needs of kids who have a challenging history.
I don’t regret it at all.I
I don’t regret it at all.
I have had days where parenting is so hard I want to cry, but thats not regret, thats life.
I have also had days where the open adoption has added stressors to my life as a parent, and I have become really frustrated with feeling like, at times, I am still being evaluated?
Perhaps I always will be?
Will my “authenticity” as a mother always be slightly suspect?
Does the fact that I also have bio child mean that people will wonder if I love that child more?
How in gods name do you measure love anyway?
…when I have answered that I found pregnancy completely overrated (as someone who struggled with infertility, I feel like the sense of pity I recieved reinforced the notion that there is a mythical connection between biological relatives that is independent of the connection that you have as a family with a shared history, etc.) I find that people don’t really believe me.
anyway, I have come to the place where I realize that , while I wish that my daughter will never have pain regarding her being adopted and that her birth mother and father experienced no pain about their decision, I cannot have that be true and still have the unique and wonderful child that I am raising, because all of that, even the sad parts are a part of who she is.
…and let me tell you , she is INCREDIBLE.
??? Probably as much or as little as any mother.???
Adoptive moms are human, and
Adoptive moms are human, and as such I have to assume that some are/were ill prepared for parenting, and/or had unrealistic expectations, and/or unreasonable ideals, and/or were not adaptable to the realities of parenting, and therefore “regret” it just as any parents might.
It seems to me that anyone
It seems to me that anyone who is a parent might have regrets, but I also realize that adoptive parents who come to adoptive parenting unprepared might have regrets that one normally wouldn’t see. I honestly don’t know, though. It’s an interesting question, and I’d love to see some statistics on this, although I doubt they exist.
I do know that in my case, there has never been a moment’s regret. My kids are on the verge of adulthood, and living without the day-to-day parenting routine honestly frightens me. If someone said I could do it all over again, I’d say yes in a heartbeat.
I’m sure most don’t. But
I’m sure most don’t. But some do. I know of at least one who has written she regretted it (adopting her kids) and wished it had never happened.