The birthfather told my husband and I that he and the birthmother got the distinct impression from us that we were not comfortable with them or any contact from them. It, of course, hasn’t stopped him or his parents… but it kinda opened my eyes to why the birthmother never contacts us, and rarely responds to e-mails.
So…that leaves me to this quandry…do I try to explain to her WHY we may have come across “guarded” or “uncomfortable” at first? Which, of course, would bring up the topic of the birthfather’s parents and what they put us through for the first 18months of the adoption. Which I don’t want to get into now…I already have in previous posts. She probably already suspects that his parents caused problems for us because she subtly tried to warn us before the birth of our daughter. I just don’t want her to think we don’t want communication from her…I actually would like to hear more from her.
Or…do I not bring this up at all and just remain deligent in my e-mails to her and continue to set up our annual visit, hoping that, in time, she will see that we are quite comfortable with her and her family.
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Be honest and tell the
Be honest and tell the birthmother this. I am a birthmom and being one can mean that your self-esteem is pretty much at an all time low. You should call her or even better show up at her work place or even her house if she doesn’t respond to emails. If you are not comfortable with these ideas I suggest doing something that would really mean alot to her, like a special gift. I recommend that you offer her to have ‘family’ portraits done of just you, her and your daughter. Keep sending pictures to her. Pictures are the most valueable thing that a birthmom gets from an adoptive family. If you really want to have contact with her and its important to you you need to show it with your actions. You have to remember that visits are hard for birthmoms too. We see everything that we could have had but don’t. Not that we (as birthmoms) would forgo them…not at all…we want them so much its unbelievable. Birthmoms are just afraid that you will write them off if they offend you slightly, because you CAN do this. If you really care about your daughters birthmom do whatever you can to show it.
I have had similar
I have had similar miscommunications countless times with friends and family. I am brooding about something at work and my husband thinks I am mad at him, for example. Accidental misrepresentation of feelings and/or misinterpretation of another’s feelings are quite common in my experience.
So my question is, how would you handle a similar miscommunication with any other friend or family member? Would you let it go and hope the person figures it out, or would you discuss it honestly?
My suggestion is to discuss it, openly and honestly.
Sorry duplicate
Sorry duplicate