how do I know if my birthsons parents want me to contact them, or should I wait for them to do so?
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Should I wait for them to contact me first?
– April 25, 2008Posted in: Community Wisdom
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- We honor the connection adoptees have to both of their families.
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- We are flexible, understanding that needs and circumstances change.
- We set boundaries on the basis of what is best for our children.
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The more I talk to first
The more I talk to first parents and adoptive parents the more I think it’s absolutely ok to contact a first family instead of waiting. In part because we adoptive parents have so much authority over the relationship. I mean, ultimately the power is all in our hands and certainly that’s a tough place for the first families to be. So I think we need to be explicit about wanting contact. I think we need to use that authority to say that this relationship matters, it’s important, we value our children’s other family members and that we will work to build and maintain it. Reaching out first — in fact, doing most of the reaching out — may be part of what we need to do.