I’m wondering if anyone has any advice. I am adopting a child who was conceived by rape. I don’t want to share this information with extended family. I’m also worried about how and when I will tell my child. Any advice?
What if my child was conceived by rape?
– March 10, 2008Posted in: Community Wisdom
I am using the anonymous
I am using the anonymous login because my child was also conceived by rape. Some family knows this but not all because there isn’t a reason for them to know.
I am hoping that the topic will come up naturally as we talk more about my child’s birthparents.
I am expecting to answer my child’s questions in the context of my child asking about their parents’
relationship. It seems like a lot of hard topics are made easier simply by listening to my child’s questions
and answering them carefully and honestly as they come up. The anticipation of the hard questions has
been much worse than the answering. Once the questions are asked it seems like the answers are there
and it’s easier than I imagined.
Good luck to you. I know how it is to look ahead to this with dread.
interestingly enough, my
interestingly enough, my son’s legal documentation states that his paternity is unknown for reason of conception by rape. Of course, we know now that this was a lie. However, for his first five years, I labored under the delusion. I made it known to a choice few that I knew would not be put off by it and allowed the other 95% believe that he shared paternity with his older sister. In short, I allowed people to “fill in the gaps” for themselves and never seemd to find the time to … correct them.
Meanwhile, I wrote letters to my son for him to read when he was old enough to digest the information or when his questioning deserved an adequate answer. My intention was to allow him to read the letters I’d written on is own with a prescribed time to discuss how he felt about it. I presumed this discussion would happen in early adolesence and anticipated that his emotions would run from rage to grief.
I still have the letters, I think I’ll still let him read them
Hi Dawn,
I will sugguest
Hi Dawn,
I will sugguest using “The Special” approach. And let the child know how very special they are even though something bad happened, they were the good thing that resulted from the bad experience. Focus more on the fact that despite what happened, they are still her vs. what happend. I will wait until the child is mature enough to understand the nature of the conversation. You will know when the time is right.
Hey Grace, thank you for
Hey Grace, thank you for your thoughtful comment but I wanted to say that I don’t write the FAQs here — I just push ‘em live from the “Ask a Question” posts that come into my inbox.
Ok. Thanks for sharing this
Ok. Thanks for sharing this with me.