My son spent the night with his paternal grandparents (his first fathers parents) at their cabin. As they were loading him into the car they were talking about riding ATVs. I dont want my 5 year old on an ATV with a 70 year old with heart problems, probably without a helmet. I was caught off guard and didnt want to offend them so I bit my
tongue and worried and prayed for the past 24 hours. What should I do?
I’m not terribly close to them. We have totally different religous, political views. I have no real relationship with their son (my son’s first father)either. I’m scared they will think I am commie pinko dirty hippie co-sleeper who doesn’t like ATV’s to begin with- which is true. But more than that I really am concerend for my son’s safety. I don’t want to damage what is a cordial, though not deep relationship. These are my son’s people and I want to do all I can to support their relationship with him.
Ideas?
No related posts.
It’s as easy as pie for me
It’s as easy as pie for me to say, “Oh just tell them” but I know that if I were in that same situation that I’d fret about it like crazy. I mean, I hate having those conversations with my own extended family and I know they aren’t going anywhere. But I do think you have to talk about it somehow because it’s impossible to have a real relationship if you don’t. It’ll make you crazy. So it’s kinda like, well, you may hurt the relationship by being honest but you may not and you WILL hurt the relationship by not being honest because eventually your head will explode.
It seems like there are two
It seems like there are two goals here: (1) keep your son safe, and (2) don’t convey disapproval of your son’s first family.
I think I would spin the truth a little and make it all about me. Say
apologetically, “I know I’m just being overprotective, but thinking
about the little guy on an ATV freaks me out. I’m sure you would take
good care of him and he’d have a lot of fun. But I’ll be up all night
worrying. Would you mind skipping the ATV rides this time, for my sake?” So it’s
not about not trusting them or having different values, it’s about you
being a worrywart. It’s how I approach conflicts like this with my
parents-in-law, who think I’m a commie pinko anti-gun
femi-nazi. Because I obviously want to continue my relationship with
them for the sake of our family, but I also don’t want to compromise on
certain parenting values. I don’t particularly want to change who they are, so the larger debate about values just isn’t worth having for me in those instances. I’d rather just sacrifice a bit of my dignity and pretend I’m overprotective.
Wow, excellent reply,
Wow, excellent reply, Heathers.
see, that’s the kind of
see, that’s the kind of thing my counselor will tell me to do. Make it a “non issue” by eliminating all the factors except the most important one, in this case, your son’s safety concerns. I agree with heathers, if you simply say that you are concerned about his safety on ATV’s and “I would rather he ride them when he’s older” then no one gets blamed, your request is honored and all the other “non issues” aren’t mucking it up.
I always step back and say, “is this ultimately an adoption issue or just a parenting issue?” Most of the time, it’s not an adoption issue.
(This was posted anonymously
(This was posted anonymously by request.)
I think you need to be honest, but can do so politely. The fact is you’re the parent, and at some point you will make decisions others won’t like. I know it’s harder when it’s first family, but it still needs doing.
I would simply take them aside and explain that ATVs have a bad safety record with small children, which is completely true, and you do not want him riding one until he is older. If safety concerns make you a commie pinko, I must be frickin’ Marx himself! LOL.