I’d be interested in seeing more information for potential adoptive parents in the process of writing their profiles/”Dear Expectant Parent” letters. My spouse and I are working on our profile right now and looking for advice on how to convey our desire for openness. Our (very pro-open adoption) social worker has told us that many potential first parents have never heard of open adoption and that our letter should not assume that they know what it is. I’d be interested in discussion/advice on this topic from adoptive parents and first parents.
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We are in the process of
We are in the process of re-writing our profile so I have been looking into this as well. Our agency didn’t really bring this up with us, but our new facilitator made the same point as your social worker.
I have been looking through the websites of our new facilitator’s other clients to see how they address it. One or two that stood out to me had separate sections on their sites titled “Fully Open Adoption” (or something to that effect) where they take a couple of paragraphs and give their definition of what open adoption means to them and why they feel it is important and beneficial to the child. When we re-do our printed letter I think we will add similar statements to our “Our Values” section.
Another vote here for simple
Another vote here for simple honesty. Our agency gave us a list of things to cover in the profile and while it was helpful, if followed to a “T,” it would really render all the profiles the same, which doesn’t seem all that helpful to pregnant moms looking for families. So we tried to decide just what WE would want to/need to know if we were trying to find a family for one of our children and openness was a part of that.
We wrote in our profile that
We wrote in our profile that we felt mothering didn’t end with the signing of papers, because no matter what you would always love and care for and want the best for your child. We also said that we wanted an ongoing relationship with our childs parents because we felt it was the healthiest option that we could all provide our child.
*sigh* our agency edited this out for the website
We wrote that we believe
We wrote that we believe children should stay with their bio-families if at all possible however recognize that there are circumstances that adoption becomes an option, and if that is the case, we want them to continue to have contact with their child.
Many birth parents have
Many birth parents have the same fears and misconceptions about openness as adoptive parents as they have not been adequately educated by adoption professionals. Most have no idea what their role would be in an “open adoption.” How you start off the relationship with expectant parents is what will most increase the possibility of it continuing. I would suggest wording that captures some of what you are looking for without narrowing your range of possibilities. Something like: ”We understand that a child’s birth family will always have a place in their heart and we want to honor that by staying in touch and keeping connections.” I would recomend the following resources: Brenda Romanchik at Insight, Open Adoption Resources, especially the booklet on Birth Parents: Right and Respnsiblities. I would also recommend my book: Making Room In Our Hearts: Keeping Family Ties Through Open Adoption. It is a very user-friendly way to introduce expectant parents and others to open adoption as it shares stories of birth and adoptive families who have negotiated these relationships over time. What is most important is that it allows teens and young adult adoptees to share what it has been like growing up knowing members of their birth families. Good luck! For more info: http://www.mickyduxbury.com