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What can I do to ensure I'll have an open adoption before I place my child?
– July 2, 2007Posted in: Community Wisdom
As a birthmother, I can tell
As a birthmother, I can tell you this!
Don’t be afraid to ask questions… The more open you BOTH are before birth, the more open you will most likely be after birth as well. Identifying information is something to share as well, and helps ensure an openess.
Be honest at ALL times, and make it clear you expect and will accept nothing less as well. If you can be honest and upfront with each other (even if it hurts) things will be so much better!
Don’t tell the couple what you want first. Usually, if they tell you what they want and are comfortable with first, there is less likely a chance of them at the moment thinking “Yeah I might be okay with that so I’m going to say yes” and then later not being!
Be up front with what you want in regards to openess. Don’t be afraid to say exactly what you want, and how often you want it. With my oldest daughter, I was upfront with the fact I wanted visits, pictures, videos, etc… I wanted them at least once a year (visits), twice a year (pictures) and the same with videos. I’ve gotten that and so much more!
If you have ANY other questions, don’t be afraid to ask me. I’m an open book with my adoptiosn, and I haev experienced a recent closed adoption as well… So I can assure you… I know both sides… Complete openess and complete closed…
I am a birthmother who
I am a birthmother who expected alot of openness in the adoption which I placed my birthchild. I have not gotten the openness I hoped for even though the couple promised alot. I only wish the agency had let me see there profile sooner so I could have developed a stronger relationship with them. I was too afraid to ask for what I really wanted. Remember that if you still have the baby inside you its still YOURS and you deserve to be treated with respect.
There are no guarantees.
There are no guarantees. Open Adoption is not legally binding, but more of a “good faith” contract. Relationships change on all sides over time– that’s just life. Communicate honestly & openly with everyone involved from the beginning.
Work with a reputable agency/attorney. Ask to speak with other women who have placed through them and ask questions/listen to their experiences. Talk about your fears & needs.
Don’t sign anything until after your baby is born and you’re sure this is the way you want to proceed. You are not obligated to continue with an adoption plan if you choose to parent in the end.
Bill Betzen has put together
Bill Betzen has put together an excellent resource here, Planning an Adoption Placement. He also includes this link to Heather Lowe’s .pdf file, What you should KNOW if you’re considering adoption for your baby”, hosted over at the Concerned United Birthparents site. He also has an Agency Checklist available.